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You Meddling Kids
When Yoda arrives for battle, Count Dooku actually says, "You have interfered in my affairs for the last time." When you are trying to write a serious script at what point does it become acceptable to lift entire lines of dialogue from Thundercats?
Size Matters After All
During Yoda and Dooku's battle the sinister Count Dooku decides that he is going to use the force to drop a huge stone pillar onto Anakin and Obi-Wan. When he releases the column Yoda drops his cane and uses the force to stop the column's fall and drop it to the side of the two fallen Jedi. Yoda visibly struggles with this item. His face contorts into a variety of different expressions much like that guy from the beer commercials who drank the bitter beer. Apparently size does matter if Yoda is having so much trouble with this piece of rock. Also one is left wondering why Yoda didn't simply yank Anakin and Obi-Wan out of the way of the giant slab, bringing them to safety. Surely the combined weight of Anaking an Obi-Wan must be slightly less than four tons.
Those Pesky Politicians
Why is Obi-Wan always right? He's totally against Palpatine because he's "a politician" yet sees nothing wrong with protecting Amidala who is also a politician. This serves to make Obi-Wan seem like a hypocrite but at the same time makes him cool because he doesn't trust Palpatine who, as we all know, is evil. Obi-Wan was supposed to be a conflicted Jedi who mistakenly tried to train Anakin and did a poor job. Now his character is made to be a wise know-it-all who just happens to get stuck with a psychopath for a Padawan.
"I hate you! You're like a father to me!"
Anakin's inconsistent feelings about Obi-Wan are entirely unacceptable and wholly annoying. Every five minutes Anakin is bitching, pissing and moaning about Obi-Wan. Either he's complaining to Obi-Wan's face and questioning his master or at other times simply talking about Obi-Wan behind his back. Often just moments after complaining about Obi-Wan he then talks about how Obi-Wan is like a father to him. Sure you could say that he's conflicted and troubled and what have you but in actuality it's just some bad writing and even worse directing.
Lord of the Lightsaber Dance
Anakin's dual lightsaber battle with Dooku can best be described as interpretive dance. Anakin moves his arms with the fluidity of a ballet dancer but doesn't actually accomplish anything. There is a lot of room for a really cool two-handed saber battle in this scene but the rather silly looking dance-battle lasts a little less than four seconds. As if that isn't enough of a kick in the crotch to the viewer then Anakin extends his arm (seemingly on purpose) to give Dooku the perfect opportunity to cut it off thereby disappointing all the fans who were expecting Obi-Wan to do it.
Mace Windu and Yoda write off the idea that Dooku could be behind any murder plots because he was once a Jedi. They don't even consider Dooku as a potential plotter because he was a Jedi. End of discussion. Apparently someone that is good can never become evil. If the Jedi have always been this dumb it's a wonder the Sith waited so long to strike.
"Yoda, weak you are."
Yoda's little acting job is just plain dumb. He pretends to be weak but really he's just a kickass dude! Why? Because since Episode I wrapped up filming before the release of The Matrix, Lucasfilm didn't know just how cool it would be to make a blindingly fast, very unlikely fight scene! Lucas, with his "wouldn't it be cool if..." philosophy decided to make Yoda jump around like a bouncing circus acrobat to surprise everyone. A suitable replacement for that scene would have went as follows: Dooku beats up Obi-Wan and Anakin for a while. A shot of Lucas masturbating for three and a half minutes. Dooku's ship flies away.
I can't believe I missed this the first time around. What is it with everyone saying "M'Lady" all the time? They didn't say this in Episodes IV, V or VI. They didn't even talk like this in Episode I. So why do people all of a sudden talk like it's the nineteenth century? Should we expect powdered wigs in Episode III?
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Daddy's Little Girl
In the bar scene, right before we meat Elan Sleazebaganno, we see Lucas's daughter mugging for the camera. Now there's nothing wrong with putting your kids in the background of a scene. The original Star Wars had producer Gary Kurtz's children as Jawas. The thing is that it wasn't obvious. It didn't beat you over the head like everything Lucas does these days. Instead of cleverly tucking his daughter away in the scene he has her smile directly at the camera as if this were the Lucas family photo.
Reasons to Hate Star Wars
Episode I (78 Reasons to Hate!)
Episode II (64+ Reasons to Hate!)
Episode III (91 Reasons to Hate!)
The Nitpicker's Guide to Star Wars
Episode IV: Special Edition (12 Nitpicks!)
Episode V: Special Edition (8 Nitpicks!)
Episode VI: Special Edition (17 Nitpicks!)