91 Reasons to Hate Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Written by: Chefelf
Edited by: Jacques & Jen

Reasons 21-30

Reason #21
Wind?
After this touching reunion, Anakin and Padme are enjoying a postcoital chat in their super-secret glass penthouse. They are on the balcony of the penthouse and Padme is going on and on about having the baby on Naboo and decorating its room, etc. Anakin is giving her a creepy smile while she continues brushing her hair. It is worthy of noting that they are on a balcony... an open-air balcony, and once again the calm skies of Coruscant are not providing so much as a one kilometer per hour breeze one mile above the surface of the planet. I'm sure this has all been explained in the Star Wars Databank. Perhaps they had to get rid of all the wind on Coruscant to be able to fit in more city. It's a giant city-planet, you know?

Reason #22
Romance
The scene on the balcony degenerates into a lovey-dovey kissy-wissy wittle wuvvy woo sequence rather quickly. In the middle of discussing the different outfits Padme wants to buy at the Coruscant Baby Gap, Anakin interrupts her to say "You... are so... beautiful." Perhaps he's just trying to get her to stop talking about baby things. In that case, men everywhere should consider themselves Padawans to Anakin.

Unfortunately, this scene gets much, much worse. Here are the lines as they follow accompanied by ratings and the reactions one (read: I) would imagine a baby having if being forced to watch this scene:

1.) Anakin tells her, "You... are so... beautiful."

Cringe Factor: 5 out of 10

Baby Reaction...

2.) Padme responds with: "It's only because I'm so in love."

Cringe Factor: 7 out of 10

Baby Reaction...

3.) Anakin then laughs and says, "No, it's because I'm so in love with you."

Cringe Factor: 5 out of 10

Baby Reaction...

4.) Padme (joking): "So love has blinded you?"

Cringe Factor: 7 out of 10

Confusion Factor: 7 out of 10

Baby Reaction...

5.) Anakin (laughing): "Well that's not exactly what I meant."

Cringe Factor: 6 out of 10

Confusion Factor: 8 out of 10

Baby Reaction...

6.) Padme: "It's probably true."

Cringe Factor: 4 out of 10

Confusion Factor: 10 out of 10

Baby Reaction...

Padme's reactions to Anakin become increasingly confusing and exponentially more creepy every time she responds to one of his lovey-dovey statements. Her crazy eyes and rigid smile quickly derail Anakin as being the creepier of the two in this particular love affair.
Reason #23
Padme's Big Pregnant Belly
Anakin has a freaky dream about Padme dying during childbirth. For some reason, this spooks him out even though I'm sure deaths in childbirth should be pretty rare in a society where they can construct a droid army, a clone army, and reconstruct perfect working body parts.
That aside, it is noted that Padme is displaying the belly of someone who is clearly at least seven months pregnant. This leads me to a question: Why, after hugging Padme and lifting her up and pressing his body against hers, did he need to be told by her that she was pregnant? Did he not feel a big pregnant belly between himself and Padme earlier? Or did he just assume she'd been eating too many intergalactic bonbons?
Reason #24
Padme Dying
Anakin tells Padme that he was having dreams like the ones he used to have about his mother that accurately predicted her death. Padme asks for more information and he tells her that this time they were about her. She acts as though he'd just told her he had a dream about being naked at lightsaber school. She doesn't even appear to be creeped out by this news. I'd be pretty creeped out if anyone told me they'd had a dream about me dying, never mind someone who had already accurately predicted someone else's death. If Nostradamus had written "there will be a silly chef with pointy ears who will spend his free time thinking about Star Wars and that elf shall die by a great black piano falling from the sky," I'd be friggin' scared. In fact, I'm scared now even though I just made that up. Of course, I am a terrific coward.
Reason #25
Yoda's Shoddy Closet Philosophy
After Anakin has the visions of Padme dying in childbirth, he meets with Yoda in a dark closet to talk about these premonitions. Yoda explains to Anakin that death is a part of life and that he should rejoice those who become one with the Force. He even tells Anakin that he should not mourn those that have died and he shouldn't even miss them. This highlights a new absurdity of the Jedi's thinking that we haven't seen in previous films. Yoda actually tells Anakin that there shouldn't even be a mourning period when someone dies. You shouldn't even miss this person when they're gone. It becomes quite clear that Yoda is not just some wise sage of the Jedi order, he is just a mean guy.
Reason #26
Anakin's Hissy Fit
After being appointed to the Jedi Council, Mace Windu tells Anakin that he will not be granted the rank of master. This causes Anakin to throw a hissy fit about how it is "outrageous" and "unfair," etc. Obi-Wan shakes his head at Anakin's outburst, but they continue their business with Anakin sitting in with the group. Despite his outbursts, he is allowed to convene with the council. The council still does not feel the need to be worried about Anakin's attitude. Even his blatant disregard for the Jedi dress code of silly brown robes does not tip them off to anything being amiss.
Reason #27
The Jedi Are Idiots
The Jedi have no shortage of chances to give everyone's favorite miscreant, Anakin Skywalker, the ability to destroy the galaxy. Anakin is clearly bad news. He has rage-inspired outbursts. He doesn't seem to appreciate the Jedi dress code and insists on wearing dark black. He loves to scowl. He shouts. He is impatient. He has trouble taking and accepting orders. He occasionally flips out and kills entire groups of people. So why is it that the Jedi continually give him more responsibilities?
Mace Windu: Master Yoda, we suspect the Sith Lord is someone high up in government. Someone very close to Palpatine.
Yoda: Close to Palpatine he is. With Palpatine Skywalker must stay. Learn of the Sith Lord he will.
Mace Windu: Good idea, Master Yoda. We will let Skywalker hang out in the midst of the Sith Lord. Our shakiest, most powerful, most unstable Jedi will do just fine in this assignment.
Yoda: A stroke of brilliance this Council has made.

Reason #28
Wookiee Relations
The Jedi Council meeting concludes with a discussion on what is to be done about the attack on the Wookiee planet of Kashyyyk. Yoda tells them: "Go, I will. Good relations with the Wookiees, I have." This met with a fair amount of laughter during the viewing I attended. I don't think that the laughs were what Lucas intended with that line, although I can't imagine what other reaction anyone could expect to get from a line like that.
Reason #29
The Jedi Code
Anakin brings up again that the Jedi Council is asking him to do something that is "against the Jedi Code." This is not, I believe, the first time that the Jedi Code is brought up in this movie and it is far from the last time it will be mentioned. Rumblings about the Jedi Code are scattered throughout this movie by Anakin, Obi-Wan and even Palpatine (as I recall). But what is the Jedi Code? Funny you should ask. It is simply this:
There is no emotion, there is peace
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge
There is no passion, there is serenity
There is no death, there is the Force

Funny. That's a pretty simple code. Obviously, it's open to a lot of interpretation. There are points in this movie when I began wondering if I was thinking of the wrong code. Perhaps what I was thinking of was merely the Jedi slogan or the Jedi credo, but no, I was thinking of the right thing.
The way the Jedi Code is handled in this movie would have you believe that it is a 400 page manual. There are constant references to doing things "against the code. " They only stop short of stating specific passages. "Jedi Directive 44387 clearly states that any Jedi engaged in communications with a Jawa after sunset shall forfeit his Jedi membership card and lightsaber for three days and be docked a week's pay."
Reason #30
The Prophecy
On a dangerous trip through Coruscant -- Yoda, Mace Windu and Obi-Wan are sitting in a speeder with no sides that they could clearly fall out of -- Obi-Wan talks about how Anakin is the chosen one spoken of in the prophecy. Yoda then says "a prophecy that misread could have been." Mace Windu -- who is supposed to be the second wisest Jedi, right? -- then nods at Yoda. He doesn't say anything, he just widens his eyes and gives a stupid head nod. It is hard to explain Mace's reaction, but I think the verbal equivalent would have been if Mace Windu actually said "Pfft. Tell me about it."

Reasons
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Coming Soon! Reasons
11-20
Coming Soon! Reasons
21-30
Coming Soon! Reasons
31-40
Coming Soon! Reasons
41-50
Coming Soon!

Reasons
51-60
Coming Soon! Reasons
61-70
Coming Soon! Reasons
71-80
Coming Soon! Reasons
81-92
Coming Soon!

Back to Chefelf's Main Star Wars Page

Reasons to Hate Star Wars
Episode I (78 Reasons to Hate!)
Episode II (64+ Reasons to Hate!)
Episode III (91 Reasons to Hate!)
The Nitpicker's Guide to Star Wars
Episode IV: Special Edition (12 Nitpicks!)
Episode V: Special Edition (8 Nitpicks!)
Episode VI: Special Edition (17 Nitpicks!)

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