Written by: Chefelf
Edited by: Jacques & Jen
It is an unusual choice to put a climactic lightsaber battle at the very beginning of a Star Wars movie, however, there it is. In an extremely short battle punctuated only with weak setups and one-liners by Dooku, Anakin and Obi-Wan, Anakin manages to defeat Dooku by cutting off both his hands and then decapitating him with two lightsabers. All while Chancellor Palpatine sits watching and smiling pleasantly. "You did well, Anakin."
Here is a brief snippet of those snappy lines exchanged between the Jedi and Sith:
OBI-WAN: You won't get away this time, Dooku.
COUNT DOOKU: I've been looking forward to this.
ANAKIN: My powers have doubled since the last time we met, Count.
COUNT DOOKU: Good. Twice the pride, double the fall.
Apparently 100% of the cutting remarks used in the lightsaber battle were taken directly from the back cover of The Beginner's Dictionary of Cliché Cutting Remarks For Sword Fighters, First Printing.
Severed Hand Count
Count Dooku: 2
Obi-Wan's Lack of Injury
I don't understand what happened to Obi-Wan in the battle sequence. Dooku throws Obi-Wan aside, nearly breaking his back against a wall, and then he uses the Force to clearly crush Obi-Wan's legs under a giant walkway. You see Obi-Wan's body slide forward as his lower half gets mangled under the crushing weight of the platform. I assumed that both of his legs were completely crushed. However, after the duel, Anakin simply removes Obi-Wan without any trouble and puts him on his back. Obi-Wan does not spend the rest of the movie in a
wheelhover chair as expected, but rather has suffered no damage at all to his legs and regains consciousness just seconds before swinging out an elevator door and getting up to run around again.
"I shouldn't have done that..."
When Anakin kills Count Dooku by slicing his head off with two lightsabers, he stands there for a moment and looks troubled. He then says "I shouldn't have done that." It's interesting because that is the same thing I say when I have one too many slices of chocolate cake and get a tummy ache: "I shouldn't have done that."
Gravity? Which Way Is Down In Space?
I think it's pretty commonly accepted knowledge that space is without gravity. However, when General Grievous's ship has "stabilizer problems," it suddenly goes into a nose dive above Coruscant. This causes everyone onboard to suddenly start sliding down slanted floors and climbing up walls. Suddenly, the ship begins to sink as an airplane would and everyone onboard is faced with the challenge of fighting to stay upright. This raises an interesting question: how was the artificial gravity being created on this ship in the first place?
Vacuum of Space?
Not only does Grievous destroy the ship's quarter inch thick portal window by simply tossing a stick at it -- a portal that is designed to sustain the ship against the cold vacuum of space, mind you -- but the common myth of science fiction is perpetuated. After knocking out a window in space, it just gets really windy and there is only what can best be described as "a light sucking."
Luckily, the vacuum of infinite space can't compete with strong hands. As long as there is a railing to grab nearby, the vacuum and the somewhat chilly temperature of space are no obstacles.
After all, space is only around 2.725 degrees Kelvin (-454.77° Fahrenheit, -270.42° Celsius). That's nothing more than a nippy breeze blowing through the bridge of that cruiser. It is nothing like an ice storm from hell at all. It would be safe to classify that temperature as nothing more than "uncomfortable." Of course, those temperatures are merely an estimate based on the mean temperature in space. The actual temperature around Grievous's ship, Invisible Hand, could be as warm as 2.727 degrees Kelvin (-454.76° Fahrenheit, -270.42° Celsius).
"Another Happy Landing."
Anakin, against all odds, pilots half of the star cruiser down and lands it rather destructively onto a giant runway. After the cruiser grinds to a halt, Obi-Wan looks over in the general direction of Anakin and Palpatine and says "another happy landing," with a big cheese-eating grin on his face. Hey, funny joke Obi-Wan. I wonder if the few thousand people in that command tower you just demolished would appreciate the humor in that. Yes, most of them are probably dead, but maybe that joke could get a chuckle out of some of the mangled survivors.
The Millennium Falcon
Georgie Boy just couldn't help himself. He had to insert the Millennium Falcon into Revenge of the Sith. Perhaps his lament that a five-year-old Han Solo may have been unnecessary was only overcome by this move. I can imagine him wrestling with his emotions, trying to fight it. His hands trembling as he reaches for his pen and finally gives in and writes it into the script. Afterwards, he must have gasped, tossed his pen aside and grinned his needle-toothed grin.
Fanboys will undoubtedly argue that it was not the Falcon but merely another Corellian freighter that resembled it. I refuse to believe that that is the case after spending the past six years seeing a baby Greedo, Chewbacca, the Tantive IV, Death Star plans and a ten year old Boba Fett. The only thing that surprises me is that the Millennium Falcon does not sweep across the foreground followed by a scene where a five-year-old Lando Calrissian loses the ship to a five-year-old Solo in a game of sabaac.
Anakin and Obi-Wan's Chummy Antics
After they crash-land the cruiser on Coruscant, Obi-Wan and Anakin have a friendly scene where they are all chummy and joking. They have a sickening exchange where each is complimenting the other for the mission's success. This is all clearly laying the groundwork to make Anakin's fall to the dark side actually sting given that Anakin and Obi-Wan had no rapport in the previous two films.
Anakin and Padme in the Shadows
When Anakin is greeted by the celebratory crowd, he spots Padme lurking in the shadows with the classic Leia hair buns. Anakin picks Padme up, lifting her off her feet, and then kisses her, which she responds to by saying, "Not here." Then he says he doesn't care if everyone knows they're married. Then she explains to the audience, once again, why it's bad that they are married so that you can be reminded of all that Jedi nonsense about not falling in love that they made up in Attack of the Clones.
Padme then tells Anakin that she is pregnant. Anakin does a half-assed job of pretending that he's happy about this and then, after realizing he's done such a poor job, tries to make himself sound better by lying and saying, "This is the happiest moment of my life."
I've always been distracted by the way there doesn't seem to be a set pronunciation for specific characters' names. Sure, people could mispronounce others' names in real life, but once you knew someone and were friends with them for several years, wouldn't you learn the correct way to pronounce their name and have some respect for it? In A New Hope, we hear General Dodonna distinctly mispronounce Leia's name as "LEE-AH" instead of "LAY-AH." Lando Calrissian always calls Han "HAN" instead of "HAHN."
Revenge of the Sith continues this tradition with Anakin mispronouncing his own wife's name! He, for some reason, insists on changing Padme into a three syllable word: PAD-UH-MAY. During the scene where they have a lover's reunion, I keep expecting Padme to lash out and say: "It's PAD-MAY, jackass! Not PAD-UH-MAY! Remember when we were married in that clandestine ceremony and the guy said do you take PAD-MAY to be your wife? Well, that's me. That's my name, AN-KIN!"
Back to Chefelf's Main Star Wars Page
Reasons to Hate Star Wars
Episode I (78 Reasons to Hate!)
Episode II (64+ Reasons to Hate!)
Episode III (91 Reasons to Hate!)
The Nitpicker's Guide to Star Wars
Episode IV: Special Edition (12 Nitpicks!)
Episode V: Special Edition (8 Nitpicks!)
Episode VI: Special Edition (17 Nitpicks!)