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Lack of Disturbance in the Force
You would think that it would stand to reason that a giant facility that is loaded with 200,000 clones of the same man would trigger some sort of mild tremor in the Force that Obi-Wan would be able to detect. He was able to detect the death of billions on Alderaan on the other side of the Galaxy yet in the same room with all of these Clones he senses nothing unusual. I'm not saying that he should think they're evil or anything but I think that they should create a very weird disturbance in the Force.
While lying in an overly romantic meadow Padme and Anakin are discussing her "first time". One has to assume they're talking about sex and that's kinda gross because she says she was twelve and it was with someone in the "Legislative Youth" program. If it doesn't mean sex then they are handling that scene very poorly. Either way it's pretty superfluous.
I may be told that I am unable to judge romance because I am a guy but I heartily disagree. I don't mind romance at all. I even kinda like sappy movies like Kissing a Fool and Boys and Girls. It's a guilty pleasure of mine. The romance in Attack of the Clones was just plain creepy. Poor dialogue and acting aside this was just a disturbing romance. He's always just staring at her like he can't wait to get her in the sack and it makes her visibly uncomfortable. It was a poor job of building chemistry between the two actors. It's amazing that they had a romance in real life with the distinct lack of sparks we saw on the screen. This is not your father's Star Wars romance. Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher must feel embarrassed for these two actors. This is undoubtedly the fault of Lucas who's bull-in-a-China-shop approach to dialogue is one of the only things worse than his ability to direct live action actors.
Boba Fett should not have been in this movie. What is Lucas thinking?!?! He feels this insane need to squash every bit character from the first three films into this film just because he can. The man who claims that he doesn't care if people don't like Jar Jar has given into a bunch of demands (less Jar Jar, more Boba Fett, No N'Sync) while completely forgetting that there is a story to be told. A story that has no room for an eight year old Boba Fett. He's the most wonderfully annoying character too, the way he's always smiling and giggling whenever his father does something evil. I felt the blood rush out of my face when he made his first appearance on the set. Boba Fett is such a nothing character! He had like three lines in Empire Strikes Back and even fewer in Return of the Jedi. Why everyone thinks he's so cool is beyond me but that's an entirely different matter all together. Everyone that could conceivably have been alive or existed at the time of the prequel trilogy is popping up and it's just plain dumb. I am dreading Episode III where we will do doubt see a baby Lando Calrissian and Senator Salacious P. Crumb.
Boba Fett Quote
To build on the stupidity of having Boba Fett in this movie I would like to refer to a recent quote from Rick McCallum, one of the producers of this prequel trilogy.
"You get to understand the relentlessness that Boba has," McCallum says. "Here, and especially in 'Episode III,' you’ll understand why he’s so obsessed with destroying any part of the Skywalker family."
What the hell? Has Rick McCallum ever even seen a Star Wars film? Boba Fett isn't obsessed with destroying anything, he's just a bounty hunter. Lucasfilm is so enamored with Boba Fett's ability to sell t-shirts and other merchandise that they've completely forgotten the character's beginnings. Sure he's cool looking and everything but he's just a bounty hunter. He isn't obsessed with destroying the Skywalker family. Where the hell did that come from? I would bet that by the end of The Empire Strikes Back Boba Fett barely even knows who Luke Skywalker is. I don't know who Lucas and his band of lackeys is trying to fool with quotes like this. Boba Fett is being built into this character that he is not. If the unexplainable Boba Fett phenomenon had never occurred then Boba or Jango wouldn't even be in the movie. If IG-88 or Bossk had for some reason become popular then there would probably be a baby version of one of them in Attack of the Clones. Instead of doing things merely to entertain a braindead thirteen year old maybe it would be cooler to make a believable story with substance. Instead Lucas's entire motivation for making movies these days sees to be the pure joy of making doofuses the world over say, "Aw COOL!"
The Shrinking Force
Mace and Yoda mention that their power in using the Force is diminishing. This is pretty weak. Why? They may explain it in Episode III but I hope Lucas had better use ALL that time thinking up an explanation because it's going to have to be a good one. He knows he's painted himself into a corner with the whole situation as far as no one detecting Palpatine's evil. Now he's buying a little time so he can try to figure out why. Between you and me I think he's got nothing.
On the planet Kamino there is a showdown between Obi-Wan and Jango Fett. This scene takes place on a landing platform around the Slave I. Jango begins flying around and firing missiles out of his jetpack and it didn't strike me until I saw the movie a second time but this scene is almost exactly like a level from the Star Wars video game Shadows of the Empire for the Nintendo 64. At the end when Jango is almost defeated he even has to avoid fire from the Slave I just like in the game. It's a sad day when Lucas's best ideas come from five year old video games created using his universe. At the rate this franchise is swirling down the drain I would wager that Darth Donkey Kong is going to make an appearance in Episode III
Owen and Beru
On Tatooine Owen introduces himself to Anakin and says: "This is my girlfriend, Beru." It seems like a harmless line until you hear it and then you want to die. You also realize that C-3P0 is there working on the farm and R2-D2 comes along with Anakin and Padme. It is conceivable that Owen would not remember R2-D2 but if C-3P0 was working there then how the hell would he not remember him in Episode IV? I know that this point could be argued but I don't want to hear it. This just couldn't have happened. If Owen did remember Threepio and didn't want to admit it in Episode IV then he certainly wouldn't have purchased him if keeping Luke's family history a secret was so damn important to him. Owen and Beru didn't really serve any purpose in this movie other than being in it just because they could be. They didn't have a lot of lines they merely acted really creeped out by Anakin and kinda looked like they hated him. Who can blame them?
When Padme and Anakin share an intimate moment outside the Lars residence on Tatooine we can see the shadow of Anakin against the house and it looks just like he's wearing a Darth Vader mask! Does that sound cool? Then you obviously didn't see Attack of the Clones! This could have been a really cool subtle effect if it weren't for the fact that the camera focuses directly on the shadows and not on the actors at all! In lieu of subtlety Lucas chooses to slap the viewer across the face with this scene for what must be at least twenty or thirty seconds. This is a far cry from the George Lucas who would build entire sets just to blow them up in the background of a shot. Now we must be forced to stare at whatever he has created for an uncomfortably long amount of time and bask in the grandeur of his special effects wizardry. There is little reason to watch these movies repeatedly when every point is nailed into your skull on the first viewing.
I can think of nothing that I needed less than seeing Nute Gunray again. He was the most stale worthless villain of the silver screen in the past decade. The fact that they brought him back made me weak with disappointment. I found it hard to even build up the strength to cringe when I saw him on the screen again.
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This is a member of the "Techno Union" who looks a lot like Pimpbot from Conan O'Brien. It's cute when Conan O'Brien does it because he's trying to look ultra cheesy and campy for a laugh but when Lucas does the same thing it does nothing but serve to interrupt any sort of realism or continuity. Before you start sending me the emails, I know that this is fiction and that it's not real but it doesn't seem to me to exist in this universe. It's a typical 1950's Earth robot in a grand science fiction epic. It's great fun and it's hilarious and he looks totally foolish but is that necessarily a good thing? It's not that I don't think humor belongs in these movies. I just think that clever dialogue would work better than inserting lame inside jokes like E.T. and this 50's robot. As Jacques had predicted it would just be a matter of time before Lucas started stealing things from parodies of his own movies to use in future films. I think that that line has finally been crossed.
Reasons to Hate Star Wars
Episode I (78 Reasons to Hate!)
Episode II (64+ Reasons to Hate!)
Episode III (91 Reasons to Hate!)
The Nitpicker's Guide to Star Wars
Episode IV: Special Edition (12 Nitpicks!)
Episode V: Special Edition (8 Nitpicks!)
Episode VI: Special Edition (17 Nitpicks!)