[Cobnat]

The events below are completely fictional but shows what could happen if Sweden and Norway declare war on one another.

October 25, 2006- Today a Norwegian Diplomat returns to Norway in a fit of rage as he describes that the Swedish diplomats laughed at his wig... relations intensifies between Norway and Sweden.

November 15, 2006- Today two Norwegian soldiers defy Swedish Air Space while trying to launch a chicken out of a cannon... Swedish officials threaten spanking!

December 29, 2006- Fighting between a Swedish and a Norwegian drunkard in a border village turns to war as more and more people joined in.

December 31, 2006- Swedish officials tell their people that the war between them and Norway will be over before new years eve... unfortunately Swedish officials like every other official in every other country on Earth, are idiots. THE WAR CONTINUES!!!

January 5, 2007- The war intensifies as two goats are killed during a Swedish Chicken bombing campaign on Norway... Norwegians retaliates by shaking their fists and hurling tomato seeds at their Swedish counter-parts.

February 17, 2007- Several Swedish Cows were killed when a Norwegian Suicide Goat blew up a Swedish Border Farm.

March 1, 2007- Norway and Sweden declare “Total War” when both nations send all ten of their soldiers to fight on the front... as a result one soldier is reported constipated from eating to much, and another reported pissed when he got hit in the groin with an enemy rock and sprained his ankle.

April 27, 2007- EU members say that they will not get involved, but United Kingdom Premier says that the war is “Horrendous” and “Dreadful” as news that two more cows were killed by chicken bombers emerge.

April 30, 2007- The United States backs Norway as several Swedish diplomats “moon” George Bush III during his speech about random pointless bullshit that his father (George Bush II) talked about once.

May 25, 2007- A goat is now under custody when the goat's bomb didn't go off.

May 27, 2007- The Goat in Swedish custody dies, suspected torture involved but Swedish officials insist it was suicide.

May 28, 2007- Norwegian and Swedish diplomats come to a resolution as the 8 month war end... a total of 17 animals dead and 2 people injured... the worst war in Northern Europe since WW2.

August 6, 2007- Peace talks break down again as Norway claims that a bomb that fell on a Norwegian village had “Made in Sweden” written on it.

August 28, 2007- Norwegian Heavy Armor (Bicycles) are sent over the Norwegian-Swedish border with intention to destroy all border villages... Swedish respond with counter attack using artillery (hand grenades and rocks)... Several soldiers from both sides are reported hurt.

September 5, 2007- The border war continues as soldier casualties on both sides reach 1. A Norwegian Soldier tripped over a grenade and broke his neck while the Swedish soldier sat on a mine that he thought was a flat rock.

December 27, 2007- Both sides have massive protests from civilian liberal groups as the conflict reaches its first year.

January 17, 2008- Norwegian diplomat tries to get Nuclear weapons from the US, but US says only if they do not intend to use it against Sweden... the Norwegian diplomats lied and said it was going to use it against Denmark...

February 5, 2008- Denmark enter war on the side of Norway, Norwegian diplomats say “Go Away!” as the Danish offer to help.

March 10, 2008- Swedish civilians give the finger in Norway's general direction.

April 16, 2008- Both sides (by pressure of the EU, NATO, UN and their own liberal peace groups) decide to sign a peace treaty... the treaty was signed in good hopes as Norwegian and Swedish diplomats hurl insults at one another.

April 20, 2008- NATO, led by the United States starts bombing Sweden for no reason, reports says the Norwegian said “it would be funny” but the United States took it as an request. So far the bombs have been dropped on the most militarized places in Sweden, a 100 achier farm and a building which has “Fuck the US!!!” written on it.

April 21, 2008- After the massive 1 day bombing campaign Sweden signs a peace treaty with NATO allowing the US to have NATO bases there.

April 29, 2008- Not much happens after that... a few million people die in WW3 but thats really doesn't matter.


All the events here are ment to be for comedi purposes, but if you think about it, it brings out a sad truth to it all.

[Icey]

Ahhh, Hilarity, almost. Except you fail to realise that Sweden is far more advanced than most European nations and they have more important things than goat farming. Ofcourse, you will now claim that it's to state how unimportant and useless it would be.

Also, Norway has one of the most vicious training programs in teh werld. Had a boss that was in the Norwegian army, total nutcase. Dissolved a woman's corpse in a tub of acid to hide the evidence. Didn't work out as well as planned.

[Cobnat]

Ahhh, Hilarity, almost. Except you fail to realise that Sweden is far more advanced than most European nations and they have more important things than goat farming. Ofcourse, you will now claim that it's to state how unimportant and useless it would be.

You read me like a book

Also, Norway has one of the most vicious training programs in teh werld. Had a boss that was in the Norwegian army, total nutcase. Dissolved a woman's corpse in a tub of acid to hide the evidence. Didn't work out as well as planned.

Hm... but no training compares to the Swiss... or the US marines.

[SimeSublime]

My understanding is that the US military has rather lax training, but then again, I'm no expert.

[floppydisk]

May be for the grunts, but the SEALS have to go through some badass training. They call it Hell Week. I've seen some of the stuff they do, and it's pretty intense. They make them wade into 50 or below degree water for hours at a time, then they work all day and get hardly anything to eat...

Must suck.

[Cobnat]

May be for the grunts, but the SEALS have to go through some badass training. They call it Hell Week. I've seen some of the stuff they do, and it's pretty intense. They make them wade into 50 or below degree water for hours at a time, then they work all day and get hardly anything to eat...

Must suck.

Every anti-terrorist group like SEAL goes through similar training, but the hardest anti-terrorist group training in the world is done by the French.

[Supes]

I've talked to a couple of Australian ex-SAS. They refuse to tell you everything that they go through in training and afterwards, but what they do talk about is enough to make you never ever want to get in their way.

I'm fairly sure that all the elite forces around the world are about as breaking and rigorous as you could possible imagine, but my money's on MOSAD and the SAS. You don't get to be the best without putting in the hardest yards (or meters is you're metric).

[Cobnat]

I've talked to a couple of Australian ex-SAS. They refuse to tell you everything that they go through in training and afterwards, but what they do talk about is enough to make you never ever want to get in their way.

I'm fairly sure that all the elite forces around the world are about as breaking and rigorous as you could possible imagine, but my money's on MOSAD and the SAS. You don't get to be the best without putting in the hardest yards (or meters is you're metric).

Hm... All in all the French have the hardest training in the world if you include the foriegn legion...


But anyway, what do people think about the thing I made?

This post has been edited by COBNAT: 04 February 2006 - 08:23 PM

[Gobbler]

But anyway, what do people think about the thing I made?

Not interesting, let's get back to the training of those military units. Although I don't really have something to say about that. I'm just glad that I was able to avoid the army service in my country.

[Supes]

Hm... All in all the French have the hardest training in the world if you include the foriegn legion...
But anyway, what do people think about the thing I made?

Since their beginnings in 1954, the SAS has lost more men in training than on combat operations, due to the nature of their training regime.

Making sure I don't avoid your redirection back on to topic I quite enjoyed your thing.

[SimeSublime]

I found it quite amusing, though possibly needs a little refinement. But that will come with practice.

A friend of mine is trying to get fit enough to join the army, and from the things I've heard from him, I couldn't stand to do even basic training.

[Cobnat]

I found it quite amusing, though possibly needs a little refinement. But that will come with practice.

A friend of mine is trying to get fit enough to join the army, and from the things I've heard from him, I couldn't stand to do even basic training.

Thanks, you got to love war to love its training I guess.

Not interesting, let's get back to the training of those military units. Although I don't really have something to say about that. I'm just glad that I was able to avoid the army service in my country.

Where do you live exactly?

Since their beginnings in 1954, the SAS has lost more men in training than on combat operations, due to the nature of their training regime.

Making sure I don't avoid your redirection back on to topic I quite enjoyed your thing.

1. The SAS was started in 1927, not 1954.

2. In the French Foreign Legions history (spaning nearly a hundred years) they have lost over 40,000 men just by "marching" to their location.

3. The SAS is not called in unless dire action is needed, so they arent many deaths since they dont really DO MUCH.

This post has been edited by COBNAT: 06 February 2006 - 01:03 AM

[Gobbler]

Where do you live exactly?

Germany.

[SimeSublime]

Thanks, you got to love war to love its training I guess.

It's the running and the being shouted at and the having to get up early that I don't like. I'm slack, and I like it that way.

[Slade]

If only the entire world were like us, Sime. There'd be no more war...