So with that said, here is a list of a few of the things that I hate about Episode III.
First, the general stuff:
1. Cartoon physics: OK, I realize that physics aren't a strong point in many Hollywood films, especially of the fantasy variety. I can accept that. However ROTS resembled a Bugs Bunny cartoon more than a typical Hollywood space adventure. There were so many instances, I don't even know where to begin... the buzz droid getting "blown off" Anakin's fighter? General Grievous' starship going into a power dive when it loses power? Characters that can fall or get thrown hundreds of feet w/o getting a scratch? Doesn't George Lucas realize that "suspension of disbelief" is critical in making a fantasy film work? Or is Lucas purposely trying to insult my intelligence?
2. Dialogue: I'm convinced that George Lucas must be a closet "professional" wrestling junkie. Most of the film seemed to be little more than "shit talk" between the characters before they whip out their lightsabres, and start hacking at each other. Who the hell wrote the final script anyway? Vince McMahon? On a related note...
3. Gratuitous yet emasculated violence: Make no mistake... the premise of this film is a violent one. People and machines are getting hacked to bits all over the place, yet somehow (yes, another "pro" wrestling comparison) Lucas manages to pull it off as convincingly as a WWF match... which means he doesn't. Dismemberment is a pretty horrible thing to have happen, and I would imagine to be quite painful. Yet Count Dooku gets his arms cut off, and he acts like "Oh darn... just don't cut off my head. That might actually hurt".
4. Scenes that don't make sense: Examples... when exactly did Yoda talk to Qui Gon and learn about the secret to immortality? Also, I suppose that it is worth pointing out that there is another inconsistancy with ROTJ in that Anakin/Vader would not have had the ability to learn this secret, yet he returns as a Force ghost.
5. The usual stuff: Poor acting, too much camp, too much computer animated glitz, too much hype. For all the money that Lucas must have, couldn't he have afforded to get some decent actors?
Specifics:
1. Cover your speaker when you cough. Would someone please explain what was behind General Grievous' coughing and wheezing? What exactly was Lucas trying to accomplish?
2. Kill me. Kill me now: I'm sorry (not really), but Hayden Christensen positively stinks as an actor. He managed to deliver about the most unconvincing performance I have ever seen. For example, he showed about as much remorse when he killed Count Dooku as I might have had when I shot plastic army men as a child with a BB gun. Same thing for when he finally turned into Vader.
3. Anakin Muad 'Dib: Somehow I couldn't help but think of Paul Atreidies from the Dune series when he had those dream sequences. Couple that with the virgin birth from TPM, the reference to being the "chosen one" and his bringing balance to the Force, the attempt of the Jedi Order and others to control him, etc, and it leaves me with this question... Is Anakin the Kwitzach Haderach?
4. Hair doos and hair don'ts: I wonder if anyone else thinks that Lucas was trying to hit home the fact that Padme was Princess Leia's mother with that double bun hairdoo Padme was sporting outside the senate? Does he really think that we wouldn't have been able to figure it out otherwise? Or maybe Lucas is trying to imply that hair styles are genetic...
5. Cheese and whine: The scene where Anakin is appointed a seat on the Jedi cousel was one of the more painful in the film. Let's say that you as the reader are on the board of directors in a large and important organization. Would YOU want someone who whined like that on your team?
On the flip side, one has to wonder what the Jedi were thinking when they asked Anakin to spy on the Chancelor. Didn't they realize that they were setting up an obvious conflict of interest with Anakin, forcing him to choose sides? Hmmm... should Anakin choose the Jedi, who for the most part have treated him pretty shoddily in the films ("Anakin won't be trained", "the boy is dangerous", and "we don't grant you the rank of master"), or should he choose Palpatine, who has actively shown an interest in Anakin's well-being?
6. Detoo... Artoo Detoo: Now R2 can fly, squirt oil, zap enemy droids, pop out of a fighter socket like a champaign cork, and catch flying objects in mid air. I wonder if they could reprogram R2-D2's beeps with a English accent, just like a certain British secret agent of book and movie fame.
7. Get out of the way you moron: I wonder it ever occured to the droids/creatures/whatever to get out of the way when they see an elevator/Big Wheel from hell/whatever coming straight at them, else face imminant destruction? I guess not...
8. Today is a wonderful day for an exorcism: I guess it should come as no surprise that after that after Palpatine transformed, that he was making noises and otherwise carrying on like the character Linda Blair portrayed in the movie "The Exorcist". After all, how many other memes has Lucas borrowed from other films throughout this series?
9. Leapin' Lizards: I'm sorry, but the scene where Obi Wan was chasing the Big Wheel from hell on lizardback was outright stupid.
10. General Order 66: OK, would somebody explain to me exactly how Palpatine can issue this order to one soldier at the time, yet have the entire army suddenly turncoat at once? For that matter, who, what, when, and were were these soldiers trained to follow this "General Order 66" in the first place? How come nobody knew about it until that point? Also, how come the Jedi who can deflect laser bolts blindfolded were totally oblivious to their own troops turning on them?
11. Fire department on strike: Interesting how the Coruscant fire department was on the spot to put out the fire on General Grievous' ship when it was crashing on to the surface of the planet, but made no effort to put out the fire at the Jedi temple.
12. Emperor who?: Again, maybe I'm missing something, but how did Yoda learn that Palpatine had declared himself the Emperor, especially since he and Obi Wan were sifting through the ruins of the Jedi Temple when Palpatine made the announcement?
That's enough for now.
This post has been edited by Reindeer: 24 May 2005 - 03:45 AM