[joshofalltrades]

So there's really nothing happening on FullyRamblomatic right now, and even Yahtzee says that the only reason he updates his blog is to keep people barely interested enough until his next game arrives.

In the meantime, the most interesting thing happening here seems to be a bunch of cockroaches crawling towards this forum, searching and scrounging for the nearest group of semi-sentient beings in order to make it appear that they have higher brain functions. Every online forum is plagued with these pimply-faced morons who can't seem to find the reassurance they need in life by fornicating with their stuffed animals, but we seem to be getting more of them than usual.

I have no interest in discussing specific idiots, but I am a bit curious about what a potential dystopian ruler like Yahtzee would do with these Creatures from the Brainless Lagoon. Boil them alive? Hang them from their toes and recite haikus taken from MySpace to them? Or, I shudder to think... would he keep them alive for some hidden and horrible purpose? Perhaps to torture those who dare stand against him?

What would you do with them, given ultimate power over life and death?

[Bond]

Are you referring to me, Sir?

[joshofalltrades]

Are you referring to me, Sir?

Dammit, no. Don't start mentioning names or they may show up in this thread to defend themselves, and that's the last thing I wanted. Just keep it to your torture ideas, please.

[Bond]

Oh.

Well, I would make them drink that horrible potion from the climax of Half-Blood Prince. That'll have them experiencing their worst bannings...

[Deepsycher]

What's wrong with a B then an a replacing one of the e's in Leeches?

Could be one potion but for germs.

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 22 July 2007 - 07:16 PM

[Bond]

Any more takers?

[Deepsycher]

Well something needs to give first.

[Bond]

True, true...

[Legion]

Hm. A good question.

I'm one of those people who thinks that death is too good for some retards. I'd say do something really sadistic; like tying said person to a bed and then paying an obese same-sex Taiwanese hooker with every venereal disease in the book to play hide-the-sausage with our hapless victim for a full twenty-four hours. Or alternate with dropping them into vats of boiling and near-freezing water repeatedly and for a long time. Or maybe even forcing them to write letters of apology from the RIAA. Something truly evil.

Best thing I can think of is being forced to give at least twenty blowjobs to homeless people a day for the rest of their lives.

[Bond]

Oh, that's nasty...

[joshofalltrades]

Legion, you seem to prefer sexual torture. Anything you want to tell us?

[Legion]

Not really... since the subject of sex is still considered by most as either taboo or incredibly delicate, most people cringe at the mere mention of it much less anything nasty to do with it and therefore there is an element of psychological torture. Sexual relations with another human being is considered one of the greatest intimacies on the planet and I can only imagine that the same act with the very things that make it intimate stripped away would indeed be torturous; reinforcing the psychological side of it. Then there's the severe degree of self-disgust, humiliation and despair such torture would cause. And on top of all that (hey look, I made a funny) the people who perpetuate such horror upon deserving individuals usually follow a certain archetype. In this case a 400-pound fat man with a motorcycle, tattoos and no front teeth seems to intimidate all on its own; much less providing the method of torture I've outlined.

Well, that's the practical reasons.

The more important reason is, I'm a creepy guy. I quote Hannibal Lecter while feeding meat into the grinder at work and I whistle parts of Tartini's Violin Sonata in G Major (the Devil's Trill, in other words), and I can creep out anyone in under fifteen seconds simply by looking them right in the eye and smiling. Plus on top of that I have a warped sense of humour and am a misanthrope-in-training. There are the other reasons, pick your favourite.

[Bond]

Um...

Are you Gaspard Ulliel?

[TheOrator]

I say, this is more interesting than the leeches (no offense, joshofalltrades...)

Legion.

Do Your Worst.

[Bond]

Careful, there, TheOrator; he might just eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. *slurping noise*