[JackSlack]

Dear Yahtzee, and his many fans,

Today I was [large retailer here] and discovered that Elite Beat Agents, still one of the top games for the Nintendo DS, on sale for a ludicrous 16 bucks Australian. 16 fucking bucks. It goes without saying that if a game is allowed to be sold for that price then there's no demand for it, and frankly, this is just plain wrong. EBA was an original in the gaming world (ok, fine, technically Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan was the original, but since EBA is basically a deluxe translation of that game I think we can let that fact slide) with a viewpoint skewed beyond basic logic and with an actual sense of humor. Yet somehow this title has become a whipping boy of the market.

I say again: This is fucked.

Your Psychonauts and Thief reviews were largely about raising the profile of a sadly underbrought game. I submit that EBA is a game in equal need of this awareness raising. Is it perfect? God no. There's still no reason for the weird wheely thing, it's got Good Charlotte on the soundtrack and the Christmas scenario is as manipulative a storyline as you can create without casting Will Smith. That said, it also is based upon the notion of black clad government agents solving minor world problems via the power of dance, a premise that makes it more interesting and creative than 90% of the games on the shelves. It does not deserve the ignorance it has.

I can only hope to see it reviewed by ZP.

This post has been edited by JackSlack: 14 February 2009 - 05:39 AM

[Gobbler]

I'm afraid you'll need to add at least two more entries to your list of hopes in order to increase hope-efficiency in this context.

• Hope for Mr. Yahtzee to read your post
• Hope for Mr. Yahtzee to care enough
• Hope for your game of choice to be actually reviewed in ZP

Now I really hate to bring disillusionment to the masses, but chances are that you won't be seeing one of those fulfilled in this lifetime.

[Patch]

I would love to see Yahtzee read this and go 'Yeah, I think I will. They won't expect that and it'll give them some false hope to laugh at in the future.'

[Thaluikhain]

Or pretend to be going to review this one, but never actually do it.

Well, more likely he wouldn't bother even swearing at people requesting, but still.

[JackSlack]

Or pretend to be going to review this one, but never actually do it.

Well, more likely he wouldn't bother even swearing at people requesting, but still.

Don't get me wrong, I know the odds are he'll never even read the post. But I felt like I had to say something.

So, here's something: If you own a Nintendo DS and don't have Elite Beat Agents? You're missing out on a truly fantastic game.

[ftr]

Got DS. Got EBA. Got meh.

It's really not as great as people make out, tbh.

[AdamM]

So, here's something: If you own a Nintendo DS and don't have Elite Beat Agents? You're missing out on a truly fantastic game.

Oh am I? You're going to have to sell me on it. This is a rhythm game, right? And they tend to follow a certain pattern. (Literally, as is the genre.) So what does it have that Parappa The Rapper or Patapon or those insipid Super Guitar Band Rock Hero games don't?

[Gobbler]

First you'd have to tell me why I should waste money on a DS...

[David-kyo]

Because, um..... a DS can be used as an ELECTRONIC JAPANESE DICTIONARY if you get the program for it, so now it's SRS BSNSS and not just a handheld console.

(I shit you not, a chick came in to the comprehensive exam last term using that thing.)

[Patch]

When is Yahtzee going to review a RTS?

[JackSlack]

Oh am I? You're going to have to sell me on it. This is a rhythm game, right? And they tend to follow a certain pattern. (Literally, as is the genre.) So what does it have that Parappa The Rapper or Patapon or those insipid Super Guitar Band Rock Hero games don't?

A sense of humor that's brilliantly twisted. Levels wherein the premise is helping a film director finish creating "Romancing Meowzilla". Being shrunk into tiny versions of yourself and being swallowed, Incredible Journey style, into an Olympic athlete to cheer on his white blood cells (represented by sexy nurses) fight back a virus (represented by supervillains) so he can win the gold medal a day later. A level in which you are sent into duty by a man looking suspiciously like Tom Selleck to assist the freaking Hilton sisters (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) survive a shipwreck by seducing the local wildlife.

The game has personality, charm and originality of concept to spare. And yes, it's a rhythm game, but the mechanics for said rhythm are intuitive and simple (tap the circles in time with the beat) with a lot of fun to be had by them.

In terms of actual gameplay innovation, I'd put Patapon ahead of it. But in terms of presentation? Elite Beat Agents was simply staggeringly well presented; humor to spare, fun visual design and tongue firmly in cheek. It's a winner in my book.

[AdamM]

It sounds exactly like I thought it would. I'm sure there's fun to be had but I'm not convinced it's worth my time.

[David-kyo]

So it's basically surreal and fucked up like Psychonauts but with less interesting gameplay.

[JackSlack]

So it's basically surreal and fucked up like Psychonauts but with less interesting gameplay.

Different gameplay, certainly. Lest we forget, Psychonauts (while a brilliant game) was a pretty bog standard action 3D platformer at heart, too. (Jump, run, shoot, get some new powers along the way.) The soul of Psychonauts was in the brilliant level design, the surreal art direction, and the premise. EBA can't exactly have the level design, but it has the art direction and premise thing going as well.

And as for selling people on a Nintendo DS? EBA. Phoenix Wright. Trauma Center. They'd be my top three.

For my next trick, saying why you need a PSP.

...

OK, so I can't do everything. (Patapon aside.)

[AdamM]

I can't complete Trauma Center. The very last level is impossible. Just one attempt at it is instant wrist strain. That bloody heart spider or whatever you are, I hate you.