[Bond]

You did pretty well with it, though. Perhaps, you should develop it a little more.

[joshofalltrades]

If people don't like it, they can feel free to piss off and stop clogging my thread.

You posted this on the internet, the last vestige of independent and free thought. If there is a better place for people to tell you they would like to see you do something other than fan fiction, or that they think it was a bad idea in the first place, please tell me where it is.

And as far as clogged threads go, welcome to the FullyRamblomatic Forums.

[Bond]

Pardon me, but is there a reason as to why it's called FullyRamblomatic?

EDIT: Nevermind, I'm an idiot.

Anyway, I found your story pleasing, jspaceman.

This post has been edited by Bond: 04 August 2007 - 09:56 PM

[Thaluikhain]

Are you going to include stuff like:

...the Welder advanced on Trilby and cut him down his one blow from his machete. The player then consulted a walkthrough and reloaded the game...

...Trilby asked to be released. He then asked the same thing 5 times, with slight variations, until he found the correct thing to say for her to let him out...

...Trilby then spent awhile going on about doors for no particular reason...

and all? Though, you've got to have him say "This demonstrates the importance of forethought" to the reader. Best XDAS line, IMHO.

[David-kyo]

You posted this on the internet, the last vestige of independent and free thought. If there is a better place for people to tell you they would like to see you do something other than fan fiction, or that they think it was a bad idea in the first place, please tell me where it is.

And as far as clogged threads go, welcome to the FullyRamblomatic Forums.

Also, you claim you wanted critique, no better way to ask people for that by telling them to piss off.

This post has been edited by David-kyo: 05 August 2007 - 03:32 AM

[jspaceman]

You posted this on the internet, the last vestige of independent and free thought. If there is a better place for people to tell you they would like to see you do something other than fan fiction, or that they think it was a bad idea in the first place, please tell me where it is.

And as far as clogged threads go, welcome to the FullyRamblomatic Forums.

Because things like "I hate fanfiction" or "I'm a pathological snark on the internet to make me feel better about my failure as a human being" aren't valid criticism and don't help me improve my writing. The simple fact is that I've decided to write fanfiction. If that in itself offends your delicate sensibilities, you might as well not bother posting. Don't get me wrong, if you hate the story itself for some specific reason I'd like to hear it. Someone said earlier that it was dry. I tend to understate rather than overstate, but I will try to liven it up.

[Bond]

Personally, I think your story's a real treat. Perhaps, just perhaps, you should think abour including hints from the other games.

[Sofox]

Are you going to include stuff like:

...the Welder advanced on Trilby and cut him down his one blow from his machete. The player then consulted a walkthrough and reloaded the game...

...Trilby asked to be released. He then asked the same thing 5 times, with slight variations, until he found the correct thing to say for her to let him out...

...Trilby then spent awhile going on about doors for no particular reason...

and all? Though, you've got to have him say "This demonstrates the importance of forethought" to the reader. Best XDAS line, IMHO.

...Trilby tried to get into his car but found that he wasn't interested in doing that. He then tried to get into his car but found yet again he wasn't interested in doing that...

...Trilby desperately wandered around the house trying to get the body detector to work all the while failing to re-read the instructions which clearly stated that he was meant to wave it around the bed and dip it in salt...

...Trilby surveyed the bookshelf, who's book were conveniently grouped and colour coded according to their category...

...as the bladed saw cut deeply into the tree, the tree dropped slightly, dropped again, then slid diagonally downwards before finally falling from sight...

...Trilby looked at the door several times, and then laughed as if hearing an amusing joke.

[joshofalltrades]

As Trilby wandered around the mansion, he heard some very digital sounding music playing, but couldn't tell where it was coming from.

This post has been edited by joshofalltrades: 05 August 2007 - 03:00 PM

[Bond]

Trilby's hat fluttered on the breeze, its shadow lightly sweeping the head of its' former owner...

[AdamM]

Finally free, and with the knowledge that Simone might be in danger, Trilby strolled slowly through the mansion in search of her...

[David-kyo]

Trilby's hat fluttered on the breeze, its shadow lightly sweeping the head of its' former owner...

I don't get this.

[Legion]

A reference to when Trilby is possessed by the Welder, I believe.

[Bond]

You've got it.

Any more, mates?

[leperking]

Don't get me wrong, if you hate the story itself for some specific reason I'd like to hear it.

I hate the story BECAUSE I hate fan-fiction. The story has already been told, albeit in an entirely different medium. There's no reason to restate it if you're not the original creator of the characters you're writing about.

The quality of the writing is a moot point for me. Go on writing however you please, but fan-fiction is balls. I repeat: write something original. It's far more rewarding to everyone involved.

And as a side note, you honestly shouldn't be posting fan fiction on an internet message board if you can't handle people tearing it apart.