Predict the plot and win a prize!
#1
Posted 23 October 2004 - 11:34 PM
What we need to do is get obscure details, horrible lines, things that will and won't be left out (emphasis on will) and questions that will and won't be answered (emphasis on won't) try to predict how Jar Jar dies, and of course awful lines, and stupid plot mistakes. The winner will get a prize to be delivered at their house, at midnight, by Christopher Walken. We'll only know who won when ep3 comes out but it could also be fun to see as the previews come around. Here's my predictions.
Jar Jar gets to say "Meesa got a bad feeling about this..."
Jar Jar dies at the hands of Palpatine, likely by force lightening.
Yoda dosn't fight Palpatine and instead flees.
Anakin says something like "If you really loved me you'd turn to the dark side" (how romantic!)
Yoda will, at one point in time, say "A mystery this is"
Yoda will handle the exposition to tell us about Palpatine's treachery "Betrayed us the chancellor has. Made him dictator we should not have."
Palpatine will be revealed as Sidious in overly dramatic fashion.
Palpatine, I guarantee, will say "You have outlived your usefulness" to someone.
Anakin will look evil for an uneccessarily long time before anyone notices.
Mace will get an overly elaborate death, possibly involving a trap.
Dooku will further confuse everyone by continuing to say that Palpatine is evil.
The significance of the death star plans, and the plans as a whole, will be ignored.
There will be no mention of Midichlorians.
The prophecy will be ignored.
Anakin and Padme will have hardly any lines while they're married.
Anakin and Padme's parting will be horribly acted.
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#3
Posted 24 October 2004 - 01:45 AM
Jar Jar - Oh, Annie. Meesa so cold. Tell Boss Nass that I won't be coming home for Christmas. Oh, Annie. It's so dark. It's so dark. Pleasssa hold me. Meesa scared... meesa don't want to be deleted off the computer.
Anakin - DAMN! This is all Obi Wan's fault! RAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Obi Wan will in fact be on the other side of the galaxy. Naturally, he will have had nothing to do with this.
The Death Star won't be ignored. In fact, it will be completed and operational and blasting planets left, right and centre. Lucas used it in two movies already. How could he pass up an opportunity to re-hash it one last time?
Yoda's going to see Palpatine obliterate an entire star system, full of innocent, cute CGI midget people and he's going to say. "I may be going out on a limb here and please don't get offended if I'm wrong, but I get this feeling that something's kind of going on... like I can almost sense a little bit of the dark side in you, Palpatine."
Yoda and Palpatine will both fight like rubber balls bouncing around the room. Whereas Yoda will fight like a CGI animated Gonzo, Palpatine will fight more like Grover.
We will also never find out what Dooku's motivation was for seceding from the Republic.
Somebody WILL say "The name of this heroic wookie is.... Chewbacca."
More than a few people in the audience WILL groan.
Anakin will accuse Amidala of cheating on him, kind of like Othello, with just as much evidence (ie. none).
Somebody will get their heart ripped out of their chest and then scream in agony as they are slowly burned alive because this will be "a darker film"... or something similarly inappropriate for anyone.
#4
Posted 24 October 2004 - 03:22 AM
"Oh Amidala. You're like this spoon. So hot from being held in my hands, so curvacious. And if you're ever unfaithful to me I'll use it to carve out your heart and feed it to you."
"Oh Annie. You're such a silly boy. Let's have sex."
"I don't know Amidala, you're getting kind of fat..."
"Yes, fat is exactly what that is..."
"I blame Obi Wan. He's such a dick. But he's like my father. He's like my father's dick. Well, if Midichlorians had sexual organs I mean."
"Oh Annie, you blame Obi Wan for everything. Even your malfunctional problems."
"I told you baby, ever since he hit my johnson with that lightsaber I havn't been the same. Though I sure did a good job of pleasing you about nine months ago right before you started getting sick all the time and knitting baby clothes... Hey wait a minute!
-Visibly nervous- "Yes Annie?
"Did you change your clothes while we were talking just now?"
This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 24 October 2004 - 03:28 AM
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#6
Posted 24 October 2004 - 06:05 AM
(Come on, this one's already started.)
(Or words to that effect, anyway.)
Actually, I do have one: The final duel between Anakin and Obi-Wan will be heavy on gore and special effects, yet entirely devoid of any dramatic or emotional resonance.
- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
#7
Posted 24 October 2004 - 11:22 AM
I predict cute aliens, and lots of toys to go with General Grievous.
(Hey! He's a General! That means he won't end up on the battlefield, right? because, like, nobody but Patton would be that stupid, right? No, wrong ... he's a high-ranked ROBOT, and e'll end up on the battlefield. Think of him like a Sergeant, and we can all fail to enjoy the film for reasons apart from its dumb insitence on misusing military designations.)
I also predict I won't watch the thing.
#8
Posted 24 October 2004 - 11:40 AM
Why? You can't possibly enjoy the hate list to it's full potential if you don't watch the movie. I've said before I'll slang you a copy of ATOC.
I'm still scratching my head about his character in AOTC.
I predict that when OB1 and Anakin duke it out on the lava, we will have no idea what the duel is over. The final fight scene will have the same impact as when Van Damme battled 'wild thing' in blood sport.
This post has been edited by Jordan: 24 October 2004 - 11:40 AM
#9
Posted 24 October 2004 - 04:14 PM
"Right now Anakin you are but the student. I am the master."
"Only a master of holding me back, Obi Wan! It is clear that this contest cannot be decided through our knowledge of the force (I mean, what are we, Jedi knights or something?) but through our prowess in lava surfing!"
This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 24 October 2004 - 04:16 PM
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#10
Posted 24 October 2004 - 04:26 PM
"Little Annie, suddenly only six years old again because it's cuter that way, screams down the ship-sized trench that had to be put on the death star leading to that silly hole they always put in it. Anakin was teh last one left and started spinning cuz its a cool trick. "Yippie!" The evil general grievous was about to shoot him but suddenly Jar Jar screamed out of hyper space and blasted grievous off course. "Yousa good to go Annie letsa be blastin this thing and goin home!" Everyone rejoiced at Jar Jar's redemption and the death star was destroyed. Oh yeah and Yoda went off on a vacation to some shit-hole planet and Annie sent his kids to boarding schools on Tatooine and Alderaan. Then he slaughteredd all the Jedi, even the women and the children, because they tied his uncle to some scaffolding or something. Amidala still loved him but her head exploded and he was sad and Obi Wan went and founded a retirement community on Tatooine. Oh yeah and I think there was some crap in the script about the rise of the empire, but that's not important."
Oh this reminds me, Amidala's death will have zero bearing on the plot line whatsoever. She'll probably just choke on some chicken wings or something while watching one of the huge CGI battles.
This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 24 October 2004 - 04:31 PM
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#11
Posted 24 October 2004 - 04:31 PM
I'll go out on a limb too and predict that Jar Jar won't be in the film. His purpose is served and Lucas needs him no more.
#12
Posted 24 October 2004 - 05:03 PM
Too funny. The ' decided through our knowledge of the force" line is even despised by loyal PT fans
#13
Posted 25 October 2004 - 12:43 AM
I predict cute aliens, and lots of toys to go with General Grievous.
I also predict I won't watch the thing.
I don't think we'll have dialogue scenes of that length. Action scenes, twice as long; there will be plenty of those.
I can see him being the heavily promoted toy. Don't know much about him yet but I'm sure that's likely to change.
And that's a loss for the greater good.
#14
Posted 25 October 2004 - 02:22 AM
I'm sad to say that I have to dissapoint you. But Jar Jar Binks IS in Episode III, since they say so at the IMDB.
Here's the link
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Scroll down a bit to see the credits.
#15
Posted 25 October 2004 - 06:50 AM
"Anakin made friends with Palpatine and started to hate Obi Wan but then he became evil and we now join a flashy CGI battle, already in progress"
-cut to a fuckton of droids fighting a fuckton of clonetroopers-
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