[optimus_prime]

Wasnt sure if there was already a thread regarding this, but i was either too lazy or tired to even want to search for one, so i made one myself.

just a place where everyone can discuss the odds and ends of dates and relationships and the like.

My story:

I recently met a girl online, her name is Kim, we chatted via email and phone for a few days and we really seemed to click. We decided to set a date for this friday as being our first official date. I first started talking to her i think on 12/12..so its been 6 days.

last saturday, she decides that she wouldnt mind meeting me just for coffee before the date..to see each other in person, chat for a bit..i say "cool, no sweat", so we met up and did just that on sunday for about 2 hours.

i brought KIm some roses (which she wasnt suspecting), and i made a really good first impression on Kim. i walked her out to her car in the parking lot of the restaurant, and gave her a couple of hugs and kisses on her cheeks (she wouldnt let me kiss her lips just yet,.but i did manage to nibble on her left earlobe a time or two).

so that was that...it went great..we liked each other a lot, and are really into each other.

sunday goes great.

on monday afternoon, i get a strange email from her older sister saying that she managed to somehow "steal" my email address from Kim, and she took the time to email me saying this was a "secret email", and that Kim had no idea her elder sister was even emailing me.

she basically wanted to tell me that for Christmas, Kim wants tickets for "One Republic". Im clueless,.I send a reply email back asking her sister what one republic is,.she responds and tells me "its a band..its too late to apologize".

whoa..uh..okay..im bein hated on by her older sister just because im not familiar with a certain band (which mind you..i have never met her older sister, never spoke to her on the phone,.have no idea what she looks like).

anyways..this IS her older sister,.and i take that response as possibly being legit, so i call Kim up and inquire the issue to her. Kim says she isnt mad at me at all,.and had no idea that her (physically older, mentally younger) sister did this, and she apologized regarding the incident. Kim said her sister is "a dork"

Im in love with Kim, but I already have a sour impression of her older sister..her sister that I havent even met yet.

Im sure im not the only one in the world that has fell in love with someone, only to discover that they have a sibling that can be an asshole.

anyone else feel me on this?

[Snake Logan]

Kill the older sister and use Kim’s grief to further your relationship with her.

[CJ Marren]

You'e not in love - if there's any more weird stuff about the sis, tell her get lost.

[Snake Logan]

Kill her sister before she kills you. Pre-emptive murder is sometimes necessary and this sister of Kim’s sounds like a murderer.

[Legion]

Yes. Murder is the key.

Look, I know exactly how it feels to have that special someone.... but it's probably a bit early to be calling it love. Forgive me for raining on your parade, but I don't believe in love at first sight: I'm one of those old-fashioned folks who believes that it's something that needs to be nurtured and built upon. My ladyfriend and I have been together since April, and we had been good friends for a year before that.

But, I can sympathize because the first weeks that we were dating I was constantly worrying about what I might screw up or might screw it up for me. There's a lot of things that can go wrong - but then again, isn't that the case with everything?

I have two younger sisters, both are teenage and the youngest has a boyfriend I have never met. I've always been the protective big brother so the idea that my beloved baby sister feels that she's in love with someone who could be a total prick causes me no end of concern. But look at things from his angle. Let's say he's a polite, warm and fuzzy kinda guy, what is he going to see? The girl he loves; and her sibling standing behind her with a baseball bat and a sour exp​ression. Rather similar to your current predicament, I believe.

The point here is, if you're expecting a fairytale where everyone in her family takes to you like a duck to water, you are in for a rude shock. Mother-in-law jokes exist for a very good reason, after all. But then again, it's not the in-laws or the siblings you care for, now is it? So who gives a toss about them? More importantly, it seems from what you've said that your beloved has paid her sour-exp​ressioned sibling no heed; and isn't that the best thing? Considering that people out there have been dumped over smaller things, I for one think you're on the right track.

Long story short: Ignore the sister, concentrate on Kim and hang in there. It'll work out if you both want it to; and everybody else can go get stuffed.

Good luck.

[Dorothy]

OP: Sounds like another case of people wording emails badly. I looked up the band that Kim's sis mentioned, and they have a hit song called "Apologize." Further investigation reveals the chorus to be "It's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late." It seems she wasn't telling you to apologize, she was trying to express to you the song.

Still, the situation is odd, so what I figure is one of two things happened:

1) Sis found out about you, and wanted you to succeed in making Kim happy, so she fed you some gift info;

2) Sis found out about you and decided to get you to pay for some tickets.

Take it easy though, your relationship is still super new, and if you haven't actually met sis yet, maybe she is lovably insane.

edit: further investigation

This post has been edited by Dorothy: 18 December 2007 - 10:23 AM

[Cyzyk]

Kill. The sooner the better. Youth is fleeting, and corpses are forever. Furthermore, if it is love, think of it as a pre-emptive solution to in-laws. My vote is on murder.

That email strikes me as odd. My reaction would be to not buy anything or research said band. Instead, ask actual girl about it.

[Emu]

hey, instead of seeing the sister as a nuisance, she can instead be a useful (while somewhat bizarre) resource for date/gift ideas! for instance, now that you know she likes that band, you could take her to the concert.

in any case, it was definitely the right thing to ask Kim about her sister / see what she thought about her randomly emailing you, etc. I think if Kim thought what her sister did was weird and not a perfectly normal thing to do, then I don't think you have to worry about Kim being crazy or anything. Also, now Kim knows that you are up-front with her, and weren't talking to her sister about her behind her back. the sister seems a bit crazy but mostly harmless, and probably well-intentioned: she was probably just trying to help you figure out what to get Kim for Christmas, even though it came off in a bit of a creepy way. Kim should keep a better lock on her email, and you both should enjoy your new relationship and not worry about the sister!

This post has been edited by Emu: 18 December 2007 - 04:53 PM

[optimus_prime]

Ok folks, there are some recent updates to my little story here, but before I tell of the updates, i would like to present to you all the verbatim "cut & paste" text of the emails i got from her sister, and the email i sent,..yadda yadda yadda

so without further adue..here they are:

Kim's sister: Hello...this is Kim's sister, Thongseng....please don't tell her I sent you this email. I was trying really hard to be sneaky...I got your email address when she was on the phone with you. The purpose of this email is her Christmas present. I know she had mentioned she wanted tickets for "One Republic". I told her I couldn't afford it so I got her something else but really...I already got the tickets. Please don't tell her or feel bad getting it for her (just in case you had it in mind). Thanks for your help:D

Thongseng

(*editors note: ok,.upon reading this first email over and over,.i missed the part where Thongseng (Kim's sis) says that she has already got the tickets...my bad. I guess Im lost on this,.if she has ALREADY GOT THE TICKETS..WHY IS SHE EVEN ADVISING ME OF THIS??. Also,.i just met Kim on 12/9..i havent even known her 10 days yet? got her tickets to concert??..is she serious?..im barely beginning to learn who she even is...i wont even bring up the fact i have never seen in person, talked to on phone, etc with Thongseng..I hope im not going crazy

anyways..back on track..heres my response to her email...

Me: what exactly is one republic?

(editors note: ok, i realized i could have googled this to learn more..but i guess what i was asking in a sort of indirect way was ..what does one republic mean to Kim..this seemed important, and i wanted to know more..but my words came out wrong)

getting back..here's Thongseng's reply:

The band....It's too late to apologize....

(editors note: This is where the confusion set in,.I had no idea that this was the title of a song and/or chorus or whatever..I had no idea that one republic was a band..so how the hell was i supposed to know any of their songs. thats like me mentioning a japanese pop band to someone who doesnt listen to j-pop at all..."but come on, man..they had that hit single..havent you heard it...its called 'fool in love too long". anyways..i come from the old school of music,.in that bands have to have made their mark with many hit records before i will invest in their music..i dont get involved too much with new bands that haven proven themselves yet. i consider them as rookies.)

so,..some of you can see where i got completely thrown off by all of this...because i interpreted it as Thongseng anticipating my reply as being "Im sorry, I never heard of this band/song".

I talked to Kim today..she was very upset that "I" ruined the surprise. This all sucks..because we were really on a good track. But maybe this happened for a reason. I tried my best to comfort her to no success. She is really freaking out that I broke this secret. Heres my giff on all of this..if she is freaking out uncontrollably about me ruining a surprise,..how in the hell am i supposed to relate more serious matters to her if we were to get married???...things like children, financial issues, work related stress, death in the family,..you know...the real dramas of life.

she now thinks we are two different people, and she may be right.

as far as the date this friday?..i dont know. I still want to go out on it..to patch things up with her. during the phone call she never specifically mentioned the date, and i didnt want to bring it up either being that she is upset.

i feel the need to tell you folks that Kim has been in a lot of bad relationships, she was hurt by many guys before. she never told me specifically, nor do i want to open up wounds to pour salt in them,..but i guess i became attracted to Kim, because i like to be the guy that steps in, and heals the wounds. i figure if a man can heal a lady's wounds,.and make her heart warm again..he has won her love forever (am i right on my theory, ladies??)


whats your take on all of this? should I try to stay with Kim and make things up? or should i break it off?

[Emu]

I dunno....I guess see how things go on friday?

that's kind of a weird email for her sister to have sent....all I can think of is that maybe she thought that Kim would mention the concert to you, and that you would go and get tickets, so she was telling you that she had already gotten them so that you wouldn't get extra ones.

it is kind of unfortunate that the surprise got ruined, but I also think it's kind of weird that she's flipping out about it. It was just a misunderstanding, after all, and doesn't really seem like anybody's fault. besides, you shouldn't be obliged to keep secrets with people you've never met, behind the back of someone you're dating.

like I said, see how things go on friday. if she frequently flips out about things that you don't really think are worth flipping out over, then maybe you are "two different people" as she puts it. on the other hand, there could be any number of reasons why she's a bit more stressed out than usual right now - she's dating somebody new, maybe there's stuff going on at school or at work or with her family....like you've said, you've only known her for a short time, so the only way to find out how you're going to get along is to get to know her a little better.

[Cyzyk]

At the risk of jumping to conclusions based on names and use of English, are Kim and clan Korean? Because that's the vibe I'm getting, but maybe that's just the fact I see Koreans everywhere. (I teach English to 'em, they aren't imaginary.)

[Heccubus]

Im in love with Kim

You've known this person for a whopping total of ten days. If I was seeing a girl (I mean, assuming I wasn't already engaged), and she started throwing "love" around inside of ten days, I would put a fucking restraining order on her.

[optimus_prime]

At the risk of jumping to conclusions based on names and use of English, are Kim and clan Korean? Because that's the vibe I'm getting, but maybe that's just the fact I see Koreans everywhere. (I teach English to 'em, they aren't imaginary.)

They are Lao

[optimus_prime]

You've known this person for a whopping total of ten days. If I was seeing a girl (I mean, assuming I wasn't already engaged), and she started throwing "love" around inside of ten days, I would put a fucking restraining order on her.

When I said I was in love with Kim, i meant it as a mild reference indicating that we seemed to click very well at the get go..i didnt mean it in the more commonplace serious,."IM IN LOVE with Kim"

I know, I know..I used a bad choice of words.

[optimus_prime]

I dunno....I guess see how things go on friday?

that's kind of a weird email for her sister to have sent....all I can think of is that maybe she thought that Kim would mention the concert to you, and that you would go and get tickets, so she was telling you that she had already gotten them so that you wouldn't get extra ones.

it is kind of unfortunate that the surprise got ruined, but I also think it's kind of weird that she's flipping out about it. It was just a misunderstanding, after all, and doesn't really seem like anybody's fault. besides, you shouldn't be obliged to keep secrets with people you've never met, behind the back of someone you're dating.

she hasnt officially said it, but i think this short lived relationship is dead, by the looks of it. geesh..i luck out because our musical interests dont precisely match up, and i broke a secret from a sibling of hers that i never met.



I like a lot of what you say, esp that i shouldnt be obligated to hold secrets when i havent even met a person yet...thats odd

i seriously doubt were going on this date, as i talked to her today and she is still upset over it, saying that her big sis was even shedding tears at me ruining the big surprise.

i have such bad luck finding good women..its like,..if i meet someone very beautiful like Kim..they tend to be ugly on the inside..bad personality, attitude, lack of humor, etc...

if i find a girl who is sweet on the inside,.they usually are kind of nerdy or tomboyish, sometimes overweight,.and will probably end up wearing either a Tazmanian Devil, Winnie the Pooh, or Eeyore fleece sweater on our first date.

why me?

This post has been edited by optimus_prime: 19 December 2007 - 07:37 AM