If I hadn't seen the listing for one of these books on amazon.com, I'd have a hard time believing they actually existed - but apparently they do. Has anyone here ever read them?
A worse writer than Lucas? Yes, it is possible!
#1
Posted 25 April 2005 - 09:21 AM
If I hadn't seen the listing for one of these books on amazon.com, I'd have a hard time believing they actually existed - but apparently they do. Has anyone here ever read them?
- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
#2
Posted 25 April 2005 - 09:33 AM
Wow, that is some interesting "writing" to be sure. My first impression was that it's written for children and/or preteens.
I just looked it up online and, sure enough, I found it listed as "junior novel" on The Jedi Council Forums - Literature.
Whew!! Thank goodness, huh? It would be incredibly sad to think that kind of writing was meant for the "standard" EU novels.
#3
Posted 25 April 2005 - 09:49 AM
With the novels I think there are just far to many of them to be able to police them properly. Some authors take liberties and others seem to be mocking the established Star Wars universe all together. The part about the Mofference? That's brilliant! It's like he's creating a Star Wars parody and getting branded with the official Lucasfilm seal of approval at the same time. You've got to love that.
As for a worse writer than Lucas, check out the Mission Earth series by L. Ron Hubbard. It's un-friggin-believable! In all seriousness the plot and prose seem like they were dicated to a 12-year-old by a dumb 5-year-old. It is not to be believed!
Buy the New LittleHorse CD, Strangers in the Valley!
CD Baby | iTunes | LittleHorse - Flight of the Bumblebee Video
Chefelf on: Twitter | friendfeed | Jaiku | Bitstrips | Muxtape | Mento | MySpace | Flickr | YouTube | LibraryThing
#4
Posted 25 April 2005 - 10:03 AM
It's like the Holiday Special on steroids. No way does a "junior" sticker on a published book, any book, justify insanity like this. Was a good laugh though! Thanks for posting it
#5
Posted 25 April 2005 - 10:23 AM
Read some of the Dark Horse comics for Star Wars stories that make Lucas's writing in the PT seem brilliant. I think it's either in Star Wars:The Early Adventures 9 or 10, the Empire hires an actor to pretend to be Obi Wan to try and capture Luke. There's so many things wrong with that I don't even know where to begin
This post has been edited by Michel Orla: 25 April 2005 - 10:26 AM
#6
Posted 25 April 2005 - 08:23 PM
As for a worse writer than Lucas, check out the Mission Earth series by L. Ron Hubbard. It's un-friggin-believable! In all seriousness the plot and prose seem like they were dicated to a 12-year-old by a dumb 5-year-old. It is not to be believed!
A five-year old with sexual fantasies!! Yuck, I can't believe I actually read that series---what a gawdawful waste of my life... but it was given to me by a relative, I had to read it.
Battle for the Galaxy--read the "other Star Wars"
All I know is I haven't seen the real prequels yet.
#8
Posted 25 April 2005 - 08:55 PM
holy fuck, if that guy can get published i should have no trouble....
Also: The Chefelf.com Lord of the Rings | RoBUTZ (a primative webcomic) | KOTOR 1 NPC profiles |
Music: HYPOID (industrial rock) | Spectrox Toxemia (Death Metal) | Cannibalingus (80s style thrash metal) | Wasabi Nose Bleed (Exp.Techno) | DeadfeeD (Exp.Ambient) |||(more to come)
#9
Posted 25 April 2005 - 09:05 PM
#10
Posted 25 April 2005 - 09:45 PM
The Mofference and the Jedi Prince living inside Yavin 4... Children's Star Wars books, was probably what they were supposed to be... Still, If they had the Lucas seal of approval then Lucas must have had a look and given the A-OK so... It doesn't look to good for Lucas either.
#11
Posted 26 April 2005 - 05:21 AM
You may well have a point. This is one of the reasons why, with a few exceptions, I stay well away from the EU.
You think 'The Courtship of Princess Leia' may be a joke as well? I've never read it, but I know that many people at fanfiction.net take it entirely seriously...
- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
#12
Posted 26 April 2005 - 07:04 AM
Here are the MUST-READS:
The Courtship of Princess Leia
Heir To The Empire
Dark Force Rising
The Last Command
Here are the TRULY AWFUL ONES TO AVOID:
Anything by Kevin J. Anderson...
and those ones that your quotes come from. Yeah, those quotes are from children's books. And they are every bit as stupid as you would imagine them to be. Oh, they are unbelievably stupid. Nobody could have written them... they must have just popped into existence from somebody using an improbability drive or something.
And I'd just like to say for the record that Kevin J. Anderson is one of the biggest dickheads around the outskirts of the Star Wars franchise. Also, one would have to be a complete brain-dead moron to like his books.
They have incompetent aliens flying Death Stars as if they were speeder bikes, accidentally blowing up the moons of planets, commanders who we're told are geniuses but who somehow manage to lose Star Destroyers at the same rate a binge drinker loses his salary... and that's just the tip of the iceberg. My god, they are bad.
#13
Posted 26 April 2005 - 04:39 PM
You read all ten books because a relative gave them to you??!?!? Wow.
I'll dig up some quotes later on.
The best line I remember is from Volume 3: "His reptilian eyes were pretty slitted."
Those books are also littered with juvenile things like "the bomb went BOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!" and "ZIP! BANG! CRASH!!!"
I'm not sure if it was trying to be JUST a joke but you definitely get the idea that Dave Wolverton was having some fun with the universe.
JYAMG summed up the good/bad pretty well.
Buy the New LittleHorse CD, Strangers in the Valley!
CD Baby | iTunes | LittleHorse - Flight of the Bumblebee Video
Chefelf on: Twitter | friendfeed | Jaiku | Bitstrips | Muxtape | Mento | MySpace | Flickr | YouTube | LibraryThing
#14
Posted 26 April 2005 - 08:44 PM
The Zahn stuff I loved - he introduces new cool characters rather than resting on someone elses laurels like a lot of the other writers.
The Kevin J. Anderson
"This pared-down death star I made looks like a jedi weapon. The lightsaber. I call it the Darksaber."
"The Republic is going to put you to death "Oh just make sure you do it properly this time""
Then there was the whole thing with Exar Kun and the Sun Crusher.
I would have been really pissed off if George Lucas actually used 'Exar' for the Sith Title, would have been even worse than calling everyone "Darth"
#15
Posted 26 April 2005 - 09:44 PM
The Zahn stuff I loved - he introduces new cool characters rather than resting on someone elses laurels like a lot of the other writers.
The Kevin J. Anderson
"This pared-down death star I made looks like a jedi weapon. The lightsaber. I call it the Darksaber."
"The Republic is going to put you to death "Oh just make sure you do it properly this time""
Then there was the whole thing with Exar Kun and the Sun Crusher.
I would have been really pissed off if George Lucas actually used 'Exar' for the Sith Title, would have been even worse than calling everyone "Darth"
I think Exar Kun is a pretty cool name for a villain though. Wasn't his apprentice Ulic Qel-Droma? Both are solid names, in my opinion.
The story of their seduction to the dark side is a pretty strong one too. Much better than what Vader's is looking like.
Exar Kun is put in a circumstance where he will die if he doesn't use dark force powers. After using the dark side, he continues to get sucked in.
Ulic gives into his rage when his master is killed, then believes that he could have saved his master if he had more power. He was trying to do the right thing for the wrong reason.
Vader's fall could have been amazing...now its just looking pathetic.