Make Funerals Fun Why did I even bother emailing these? I'm retarded..
#1
Posted 22 April 2006 - 12:37 AM
Right when you walk in, say 'Jesus Christ, did something die in here?!"
Bring beer.
Dress up as the Grim Reaper.
Put one of those silly eyeglasses with the rubber nose and the bushy eyebrows on the corpse's face.
If someone says, "He looks so natural," answer with, "He was always like this? Wow, your sex life must've been pretty unpleasant."
If someone is weeping while looking at the corpse, put your hand on their shoulder and say, "Look on the bright side; he could've been sucked into a jet engine, or something."
Mention aloud that the corpse's fly is down, even if it's not.
If someone touches the corpse emotionally, say, "Eww!"
If someone hands you a hankerchief, blow your nose obnoxiously, then offer it to the person next to you.
When it's your turn to toss a flower into the casket, instead, put the flower between the corpse's teeth. Then put a sombrero on his head.
Trade ties with the corpse. See if anyone notices.
Near the end of the viewing, confront the undertaker and say, "Hey, this time don't forget to close the lid."
While you're riding in the hearse, insist that the driver stop for at McDonalds.
If they do a 21 gun salute, pretend you've been shot.
When they are lowering the casket into the grave, hum the theme to 2001: A Space Odyssey.
On the way home, say "Well, that was fun. Anyone for tennis?"
-John Wayne
#3
Posted 22 April 2006 - 01:44 PM
Thats the greatest!
Funerals should be fun. My family always throws a big party afterwards. We all get wasted and sing songs and eat great food.
#4
Posted 22 April 2006 - 02:39 PM
This is genius... I cant wait until the next causalty list comes from Iraq (I know this is in bad taste).
That almost makes me want to be a Mid-West American... almost...
Great Quotes Of The 21st Century/Cobnat gets serious!
Ron Paul At AntiWar.com/A Writing Guild For The Clinically Retarded/Death By Quotes/AntiWar/Early Justin Raimondo articles/In Defense Of Yoshiro Mori By Justin Raimondo/Vox Popoli
Evil Happens/This Is A Knife!/Minorities, too!/
AYBABTU/Che Guevara Action Figure!/Strange Humour
#5
Posted 22 April 2006 - 02:47 PM
That almost makes me want to be a Mid-West American... almost...
Its more of an Irish tradition as opposed to mid-west American.
#6
Posted 22 April 2006 - 04:10 PM
When there's more than fifty people in one house, that's a bad sign.
#7
Posted 23 April 2006 - 12:37 AM
Oh, so you have Irish Ancestors, that makes a lot of sense now.
Great Quotes Of The 21st Century/Cobnat gets serious!
Ron Paul At AntiWar.com/A Writing Guild For The Clinically Retarded/Death By Quotes/AntiWar/Early Justin Raimondo articles/In Defense Of Yoshiro Mori By Justin Raimondo/Vox Popoli
Evil Happens/This Is A Knife!/Minorities, too!/
AYBABTU/Che Guevara Action Figure!/Strange Humour
#8
Posted 23 April 2006 - 10:04 AM
Chyld is an ignorant slut.
- Campbell Bean (David Tennant), Takin' Over the Asylum, 1994
#9
Posted 23 April 2006 - 11:56 AM
... except when that guy ran out onto the field during that football game and spread his moms ashes all over. HAHHAHAHA - that was great!
#10
Posted 23 April 2006 - 12:58 PM
Result:
My body becomes a blindingly-white burning spectacle while flying off a cliff, with colorful fireworks shooting off in every direction, until I am finally smashed into the ground, then the final explosive is detonated and I am blown into a million pieces.
I think most people would remember that.
-John Wayne
#12
Posted 23 April 2006 - 01:53 PM
Meh. Thatd be fairly forgetable.
#14
Posted 23 April 2006 - 04:29 PM
<!--quoteo(post=169306:date=Aug 10 2007, 11:03 AM:name=Legion)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Legion @ Aug 10 2007, 11:03 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=169306"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><!--fonto:Arial--><span style="font-family:Arial"><!--/fonto--><!--coloro:#483D8B--><span style="color:#483D8B"><!--/coloro--><!--sizeo:3--><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->So why the unholy flying purple donkeypunching fuck will it not work on yours? Just what kind of machine are you running there? Your toaster?<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--><!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc--><!--fontc--></span><!--/fontc--><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
And the man again!
<!--quoteo(post=180859:date=Jan 16 2008, 02:29 PM:name=Legion)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Legion @ Jan 16 2008, 02:29 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=180859"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->In my opinion it's saying, fuck the lightsabers and special effects and fuck your voiceovers and fuck your stupid multimilliondollar game studios; you don't need any of those to make brilliant and scary games that will fuck with your head.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<u><!--sizeo:3--><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo--><!--coloro:#FF8C00--><span style="color:#FF8C00"><!--/coloro-->My Getting Huge Progress (Gym and weight gain diet)<!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc--><!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--></u>
<b>May '07:</b> 11st (154lbs)
<b>August '07:</b> 12st 7lbs (175lbs)
<b>November '07:</b> 12st 9lbs (177lbs)
<b>December '07:</b> 12st 11lbs (179lbs)
<b>January '08:</b> 12st 12lbs (180lbs)
<b>Febuary '08:</b> 13st 2lbs (184lbs)
<b>March '08:</b> 13st 7lbs (189lbs)
#15
Posted 05 June 2006 - 08:05 PM
I want the sky to rain with bullets
This post has been edited by Cobnat: 05 June 2006 - 08:05 PM
Great Quotes Of The 21st Century/Cobnat gets serious!
Ron Paul At AntiWar.com/A Writing Guild For The Clinically Retarded/Death By Quotes/AntiWar/Early Justin Raimondo articles/In Defense Of Yoshiro Mori By Justin Raimondo/Vox Popoli
Evil Happens/This Is A Knife!/Minorities, too!/
AYBABTU/Che Guevara Action Figure!/Strange Humour