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PlanetFargo: Earth Pwns Comet
This week, an important news brief from PlanetFargo.
By Dave 'Fargo' Kosak | July 7, 2005
Pasadena, California -- NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory has announced the successful completion of their "Deep Impact" mission to the Comet Tempel 1, resulting in the comet getting completely pwned. As planned, a flyby spacecraft jettisoned a smaller impact probe, which came up behind the comet and totally put the smack down.
After the impact, the flyby probe swung into action. Its job after the collision was to pull out a combat knife, run up to the comet, and then stab the corpse repeatedly while waiting for the next round to start. It also jumped up and down.
"The pwnage of comet Tempel 1 represents an enormous and important milestone in our efforts to understand -- and ultimately to completely cream -- the known universe," JPL Director Charles "sl@md@ddy" Elachi explained in a press conference immediately after the impact. "Lollerz!!!!!" he added.
"WTF?" the comet reportedly said.
The historic pwnage is another in a long string of recent JPL successes, which included the Mars landing of the Spirit and Opportunity rovers (read GameSpy's less-than-glowing review).
Tension was high in the mission control center during the final crucial minutes of the match. All eyes were turned on the large monitors showing visual feeds and data from the flyby satellite. Then the room erupted into cheers and screaming as the mission control voice boomed, "Headshot!"
"Teams!" the comet yelled.
NASA has been undergoing a series of changes in recent decades as space exploration continues to shift toward unmanned missions. The 'old guard' of staunch engineers and scientists who cut their teeth during the space-race and Apollo missions are gradually being replaced by eager young scientists raised on video games, many of whom believe the moon landing was faked after they saw that one show on Fox News. These younger scientists are eager to catalog and systematically pwn the known universe. "That's right, bitch!" Director of Flight Operations Samuel "|<rayzee|<1ll3r" Brockman screamed into voice chat after the impact. "You go back to the oort cloud you snowy mother[expletive deleted]." Then he started high-fiving.
The President, who had been closely monitoring the pwnage from Airforce One, called shortly after impact to personally congratulate the team behind the win. "GG," he said.
"Werd," Elachi replied. "Thx."
This week, an important news brief from PlanetFargo.
By Dave 'Fargo' Kosak | July 7, 2005
Pasadena, California -- NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory has announced the successful completion of their "Deep Impact" mission to the Comet Tempel 1, resulting in the comet getting completely pwned. As planned, a flyby spacecraft jettisoned a smaller impact probe, which came up behind the comet and totally put the smack down.
After the impact, the flyby probe swung into action. Its job after the collision was to pull out a combat knife, run up to the comet, and then stab the corpse repeatedly while waiting for the next round to start. It also jumped up and down.
"The pwnage of comet Tempel 1 represents an enormous and important milestone in our efforts to understand -- and ultimately to completely cream -- the known universe," JPL Director Charles "sl@md@ddy" Elachi explained in a press conference immediately after the impact. "Lollerz!!!!!" he added.
"WTF?" the comet reportedly said.
The historic pwnage is another in a long string of recent JPL successes, which included the Mars landing of the Spirit and Opportunity rovers (read GameSpy's less-than-glowing review).
Tension was high in the mission control center during the final crucial minutes of the match. All eyes were turned on the large monitors showing visual feeds and data from the flyby satellite. Then the room erupted into cheers and screaming as the mission control voice boomed, "Headshot!"
"Teams!" the comet yelled.
NASA has been undergoing a series of changes in recent decades as space exploration continues to shift toward unmanned missions. The 'old guard' of staunch engineers and scientists who cut their teeth during the space-race and Apollo missions are gradually being replaced by eager young scientists raised on video games, many of whom believe the moon landing was faked after they saw that one show on Fox News. These younger scientists are eager to catalog and systematically pwn the known universe. "That's right, bitch!" Director of Flight Operations Samuel "|<rayzee|<1ll3r" Brockman screamed into voice chat after the impact. "You go back to the oort cloud you snowy mother[expletive deleted]." Then he started high-fiving.
The President, who had been closely monitoring the pwnage from Airforce One, called shortly after impact to personally congratulate the team behind the win. "GG," he said.
"Werd," Elachi replied. "Thx."
Found it here!
Lollerz!!!!
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