Chapter 23: The search for WMDs
Upon entering the city of Rosmundar we were immediately taken to the king, because that's what happens to people when they enter a city. Randylyl murmured in his malaise that it was strange that a kings main job was to greet passers by and have children kidnapped.
"He's getting worse." Said Phil. "We have to get him to Logicas soon.
We all nodded gravely and then went before king Bilbob of Rosmundar.
"So" He said in a friendly manner. "What brings you guys here?"
"A whale." I answered.
"I'm afraid we don't have any of those. Perhaps you're the adventurers that were prophesised..." He mused.
"Yup that's us. I don't know what prophecy we're supposed to fulfill but we'll definately do it." Said Phil eagerly.
"Well in that case go paint my fence." He ordered.
"What? But we're adventurers! What does this have to do with the prophecy?" Demanded Zorbilliam.
"Well you see, my royal painter was feeling rather lazy and I told him if he didn't paint my fence I'd skin him alive. That's when he prophesized that some adventurers would come from a far away land to paint the fence." He nodded, looking over to a man in cover alls who was sipping a margarita.
The man, who we rightly assumed to be the royal painter, nodded. "Tis true it is! Look, even as I have foretold the adventurers have come to paint the fence!" And the whole court marveled at his foresight.
"Well, if it be an adventurer's work..." I sighed.
"Let's paint some fence laddy!" Cried the dwarf.
We attacked the fence savagely with paint brushes and soon had it entirely finished. Exhausted, we returned to the king's hall where we were hailed as heroes.
"So now that we've completed our quest and defeated the evil fence, can you send us on our way to Logicas?" Asked Phil politely.
"Well I suppose we could. But we need help with more than just fences." He said, gesturing to a map of the continent we were one. We all noticed a large frowny face drawn to the North above some strange looking tunnel-like symbols.
"War?" Asked Pinecone, stating what was rather obvious.
"Yes, we have gone to war with the kingdom of Roshunyon because they have W M Deis." He said solemnly.
"What's W M Deis?" Asked Zorbilliam, for he was well versed in governmental subjects but had never heard of such a thing.
"Oh, she's my daughter, Winnifred Magdalene Deis. We just call her W M Deis for short.
"So you've had her for a really long time, but now that a kingdom you don't like has her that's unacceptable right?" I asked.
"Yup." Answered the king happily.
"What are these things around the kingdom you're fighting?" Asked Gilliam.
"Oh they're nothing at all and have no importance to my decision to declare war on Roshunyon." The king nodded and then nearly jumped as Crotch examined the map.
"Aye! These are mythril mines laddy!" He cried.
"Yes, as I said. Mythril mines that have nothing to do with my decision to go to war."
We all looked at him for a moment and then nodded, seeing the truth of his statement except for Randylyl who began beating his head against the wall we had leaned him against. "Now lets all have a beer!" The king offered kindly.
We were interupted by one of the kings advisors charging into the room.
"Your majesty! Why are we sending troops to Roshunyon!?" He asked, out of breath.
"Because they have W M Deis!" We all chorused.
"But recent intelligence states that another, and far more dangerous kingdom has W M Deis and that Roshunyon has never had her." He said, waving some very official looking papers around.
"But that's impossible, I have guaranteed proof that they have her!" The king said, quite stunned by this new and obviously faulty intelligence.
"What sort of guaranteed proof?" Asked the advisor warily.
"The royal painter told me so one night when we were drunk." He answered.
"But my lord, there's a huge banner hanging from the evil fortress that says they have W M Deis, and we've had search teams in Roshunyon looking for her for weeks and they've found nothing and the only reason you thought she was there was because of a drunkard with paint smeared in his hair." He stopped to let his words sink in.
"Bla bla bla bla bla we're going to war with Roshunyon." Said the king.
In the hall there was nothing but the sound of our drunken cheering and Randylyl bashing his head against the wall.
This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 22 February 2005 - 04:10 AM