[mireaux7]

I just saw this film last night at 12:01am..and it exceeded my expectations. But even with that being said, I felt the storyline wasnt as deep as it could have been written.

Im mean, come on, I had to wait 19 yrs for this chapter.

speaking of chapters...I am still having a personal debate on whether or not i feel that this film is canoncial to the others.

It is certainly shot in a fashion to where it is intended to segue right with the dated style of the other 3 films.

the crowd was clapping at the end, and at the very end, theres a shot where the writers try to hint at Shia taking on the helm of the Indy legacy, but doesnt

Harrison gives a great performance, especially considering that he does all his own stunts.

This film is a great addition to the now modern coolness of bringing back action heros from yore to make new chapters. ( I think "4" is the new trilogy)

...Rambo 4, T3, Rocky Balboa,..etc etc etc

[Jordan]

I just came back from the cinema 15 minutes ago. I hated the film.

Spoilers

Stiff acting, nuclear bombs, aliens, stupid ooga booga tribes men that servered no purpose what so ever (giant killer ants played a larger roll), a bunch of new characters introduced that gave no dynamic at all to the story or Indy's past 20 years, love scene consisted of --- I hate you/I love you/this is your son/no he's not/yes he is/hi son/You're not my dad/ok you are my dad.

Really terrible film. Indiana Jones, a man that witnessed the arc of the covenant kill a multitude of nazis, a heart being ripped from a mans chest, and a 1000 year old living knight of the crusade, actually refused to believe in the supernatural story of aliens. After 10 mins he finally conceded and decided it's all real, because he found a stupid plastic looking skull. The villains were forgetable, I that comes to mind is insects. I felt so embarrised when I saw Shia the beef swing on vines with a pack of monkeys. The FBI come in and tell JOnes they're watching him, we find out Jones is a fucking spy during the cold war. Neither the FBI or his cold war spying come back into the story. The first 20 mins of the film are totally pointless and lead you nowhere.

This post has been edited by Jordan: 23 May 2008 - 11:20 PM

[azerty]

First: Special thanks to Kamera... no money was wasted in the viewing of this film.

Review: Absolute and complete shit.

As I watched this travesty of a movie, it dawned on me the problem with every Lucas or Spielberg films since Star Wars and Raiders of the Lost Ark came out. While you are waiting for their films to begin, you find yourself sitting there saying to yourself "Please don't let it suck, please don't let it suck..." over and over to yourself. This is because, despite all the gushing wankers who are convinced that Spielberg is some kind of mystical cinematic genius, you know deep down in your heart, that he is a total idiot, and he is going to fuck it up.

With this film, it is merely seconds, (literally), before you realize that he is fucking it up Big Time. With The Phantom Menace, you probably can't remember the actual exact instant when you realized Lucas had fucked it up... but imagine if Jar Jar popped his head up in the first 3 seconds of the first reel, farted, shook slobber all over himself, and screeched "Meesa Jar Jar Binks, Yippee"!

Or, if you don't wish to imagine this, then go and watch Indiana Jones and the Kingdon of the Crystal Skull. Reality licks imagination every time.

[J m HofMarN]

If there aint no Nazis, I aint gunna go watch it. As soon as I read a review refering to a KGB agent I just said fuck it and decided to go out for Narnia instead. They must have suddenly decided that if Indiana Jones was more like James Bond people would like it more.

[civilian_number_two]

Well, I haven't see it, but I have to pipe in that they decided to make Indiana Jones more like James Bond with the first sequel. If you recall, that's the one where he showed up in a white tux and bartered an artifact for a diamond. That was also the one where they decided he should have a new girlfriend in every movie.

I am certain I heard in the trailer voiceover Harrisson Ford describing "a crystal skull made of gold." That blew me away. Like, what did I hear? It can't be that, right? It's not, like, somehow crystal and gold? Cause that sounds like something a 10-year-old would write. Maybe in addition to being crystal as well as gold, the skull could be a car. Wouldn't that be cool?

This post has been edited by civilian_number_two: 24 May 2008 - 03:48 AM

[David-kyo]

This film reminded me of the X-files.


SPOILAH:

The point I went "OK, fuck this" was when Indy is at the epicentre of a nuclear test and takes refuge in a lead-lined icebox inside one of the houses. Thus, he survives the explosion. Lulz.

[Deucaon]

The trailers for this film are too stupid for me to even comprehend. Civilian Number Two already mentioned the crystal and gold logical fallacy but its also that the main chase scene is within the compound where Americans stored the Ark of the Covenant. If the commies could easily enter the compound with trucks then either the US government in the film is completely idiotic in choosing their location for storing Armageddon artefacts or the commies got some kind of teleportation device or the commies secretly entered a US restricted area with trucks somehow. I do not wish to see which one Spielberg chose.

Like, what did I hear? It can't be that, right? It's not, like, somehow crystal and gold?

A wizard did it.

[J m HofMarN]

Well, I haven't see it, but I have to pipe in that they decided to make Indiana Jones more like James Bond with the first sequel.

Yes but then they seemed to learn their lesson when every critic ever thought the sequel was awful. Cruscade demonstrated that they'd kind of realized their mistakes.

[Jaded Wolf]

The trailers for this film are too stupid for me to even comprehend. Civilian Number Two already mentioned the crystal and gold logical fallacy but its also that the main chase scene is within the compound where Americans stored the Ark of the Covenant. If the commies could easily enter the compound with trucks then either the US government in the film is completely idiotic in choosing their location for storing Armageddon artefacts or the commies got some kind of teleportation device or the commies secretly entered a US restricted area with trucks somehow. I do not wish to see which one Spielberg chose.

Actually, if you'd bother to see the movie instead of making assumptions then you would see how the KGB got into the warehouse.

I thought this movie was great. Sure there were things a bit out of the usual Indiana Jones realm but I liked the direction of the movie. This definetely should not be compared to the Star Wars prequels because it was a far more better quality of a film than those. If you haven't seen the movie then the only reason you are hating it is because of George Lucas (hating him seems to be the norm on this site). Spielberg did a great job on this and I think it shows him and Harrison Ford kept Lucas in check.

[BigStupidDogFacedArse]

There was much too much going on with this film.

1) Aliens complete with big eyes, cone heads, and a space ship. The skull, mentioned in the title, is that of an alien. There’s a scene where our heroes are in a cave looking at ancient drawings where Man-like figures with cone heads are portrayed as gods and are being worshiped. It's super obvious at this point that the aliens are the gods. But regardless, a really embarrassing scene popped up where the crystal skull is held up to the picture to reveal that it's shape fit perfectly with a painted head on the wall; loud music plays like "eureka". It was uber stupid.

2) Killer ants. Familiarity breeds contempt. I'll die happy if I never see another CG animal or insect ever again. (This film has prairie dogs, monkeys, and ants)

3) Atom bombs complete with a refrigerator fallout shelter (which is thrown 2 miles in the air with Indy safely tucked inside)

4) Living dead (they don't look it) tribesmen which are not menacing at all and who are dispensed of rather quickly, guard the skull, I think. The advertisement had me thinking these were the big baddies.

5) Unusual inhabitants of an ancient graveyard that make funny noises. I guess they're protecting the crystal skull; there were about 3 of them. They had a knack for marshal arts and used blow guns with poisoned darts. Nobody knows why they hang around the graveyard; Indy and his son kill them with out much hassle.

6) Russians enter the scene early on, although it's not really the Russian Government, it's just one evil stereotypical Russian femme fatal who wants the skull. She's a high ranking paranormal scientist who wants the skull for her own personal use, not for the glory of the motherland or anything like that. So the entire Russian KGB spy game thing was totally pointless.

7) Quick Sand. This scene was just an excuse to reintroduce Indy's fear of snakes and to provide a near death moment so Marion could reveal the kid is Indy's son. We all saw it coming so it was embarrassing that it took 3/4's of the film to admit it.

8) The lack of Indy. Indy in this film seemed to share the screen with every one. It hurt the film dramatically and also helped play up his old age. Too old to hold the film on his own I guess. Their were numerous references to his age through out the film that didn't help things "what are you like 80 years old" says Indy's son.

9) The overall story. I'm still confused. The Russian lady wants the power of knowledge which is what this skull is all about. Indy doesn’t want the skull; some friend of his might be in danger if he doesn't locate him and fuck it the skull is near by so what the hell. But the Russian lady and the Indy are all pawns in a greater drama unfolding, it turns out, in a long and boring ride, that the aliens just wanted to go home. The Russian lady is killed and Indy saves his friend.

Actually, if you'd bother to see the movie instead of making assumptions then you would see how the KGB got into the warehouse.

I thought this movie was great. Sure there were things a bit out of the usual Indiana Jones realm but I liked the direction of the movie. This definetely should not be compared to the Star Wars prequels because it was a far more better quality of a film than those. If you haven't seen the movie then the only reason you are hating it is because of George Lucas (hating him seems to be the norm on this site). Spielberg did a great job on this and I think it shows him and Harrison Ford kept Lucas in check.

The KGB was utterly pointless. The warehouse scene basically spent 20 minutes telling us how there is an alien presence lurking about and that Indy may know something about it, turns out he knew very little about it with exception to its magnetic properties.

The story is sloppy from the get go.

Indy and his forgettable friend are captured by rogue Russian commandos and forced to search for a crate in a giant warehouse. This is the same place where the arc of the covenant resides (end of raiders film, remember?). You also see the arc in this film, btw. He finds the crate and gives it to the Russians at gun point. Blah blah Indy does some bull whipping ass kicking, but is ultimately betrayed by his friend, whose now working for the Russians. This is heart breaking because the throw away friend, whatever his name is, was a CIA spy along side Jones. They spied on Russia together, ok? Inside the crate is an alien looking body, all we see is the hand. This doesn't throw off Jones because he had something to do with it ages ago, he doesnt know too much about it, but can't say for sure that the alien is real, seriously.

As a result of all this, Indy loses his job because the FBI is suspicious of him; they think he may be a double agent, for reasons never given. So with no job to keep him busy, Jones takes up some offer he gets from a 19 year old kid with whom he shares mutual friends. The kid informs Jones that his mother and mutual friend, Oxley, are being held captive in South America. They were on a treasure hunt searching for a metal-crystal skull. Turns out the same group of Russians want this skull, but for evil reasons not scientific ones. The kid refers to his mother as 'mary'. Indy knows lots of marys and doesn't clue in that the kid is talking about his ex-lover, Marion.

Indy and the kid fly to South America and they begin searching for their friends. All they have is a piece of paper the mother mailed to the kid. The item is just a clue to find the skull but they're confident that if they find the skull then they'll find their friends. They break some riddle and bang they found the skull. But then the Russians ambush them. The Russians reveal two prisoners; Marion the mother of the kid and lover interest of Jones, and Oxley who is now insane. The Russians need Oxley, and I guess Indy, to find the skull.

But don't worry, they escape. Our heroes don't get far because Marion and Indy find themselves in Quicksand! This is the scene where Marion explains to Indy he's the father of the kid and we are also reminded that he hates snakes. They used a snake to pull them out of the quicksand, no rope or vines around. But then the Russians ambush them.

More fighting.... they escape. Some trouble with killer ants, they fall off three water falls, and are mildly attacked by living dead tribe’s men. Indy eventually makes sense of Oxley’s insane rants and they return the skull to its owner’s body. This was the hidden legend of the skull, I think. But then the Russians ambush them. The Russians learn of the plot from our heroes and return the skull. The paranormal scientist hopes to gain vast knowledge but actually dies instead. Indy and gang watch the ancient ruins, from afar, blast off into outer space. You see, turns out the aliens wanted to go home.

This post has been edited by BigStupidDogFacedArse: 26 May 2008 - 06:19 PM

[Jordan]

Spoiler alert above. Idiot.


It's worth mentioning that BSDFA and I both enjoyed the two big action scenes, but it wasn't enough to save film. I love the car chase that speilberg does when one car is piled up with bad guys. He did it in this film and that was cool. The coolest thing in the entire movie is the swing he does with his whip which was also shown in the advertisment so you can save yourself the cash and just enjoy the ad.

There, just in case any one says we're being to negative. Because honestly it was total shit.

This post has been edited by Jordan: 26 May 2008 - 09:28 PM

[azerty]

Spielberg did his usual job, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it great. It's just typical Spielberg crap.

This movie does suck. Let's look at it. (Spoilers for anyone who actually cares.)

First we have the groundhog opening, which is contrived and stupid. Maybe if the little groundhog hadn't chirped and giggled as he scurried away (in a most Spielbergian manner) it might not have been quite so stomach churning as it is now.

Why even include this scene? It tells us only that the film isn't going to take itself seriously, and that there definitley will be pointless cute CGI sprinkled though it. I mean, Jesus, it's only the first 5 seconds and ALREADY there is pointless CGI. Is this going to be an Indiana Jones movie or the muppet show? The worry that the film might suck has already been replaced by fear... it is sucking right now!

Next we have the kids in the hot rod. Why? No reason whatsoever. But they are the center of the action for several minutes! Why? No reason whatsoever. Spielberg then get bored with them and shows us what an awesome director he is by showing the kids reflected in the chrome of the army truck's wheel, and then repeats this trick a few seconds later (in cause the subtlety went over our heads) in the truck's rearview mirror with an oh-so-clever camera move which pans from the reflected army driver to the reflected kids in one single shot. Amazing Mr. Spielberg! Thanks for clueing us in on your opinion of yourself as a director. Yes, you are more interesting than the film itself.

The beginnings of Plot. It isn't a problem that this is Nevada in 1957, despite what anybody thinks. What is a problem is the fact that Indy, when taken out of the boot of the army vehicle, says with surprise, "Russians..."

What, they weren't Russians when they threw you into the trunk, but suddenly they are now? What the fuck? WE are the audience, and we just came into this story 5 minutes ago, but you are IN the story and have been all your life. Don't you know what is going on in your own plot? This kind of bullshit is typical Spielberg; The actors can't see the enemy until the camera pans around and we in the audience see them. Or that scene in Last Crusade, when Jones can't see the "X" on the floor of the library until after he laboriously climbs that staircase and Spielberg tilts the camera down and we (and he) suddenly see what Indy has been standing on for the last 10 minutes. Or how about when Indiana says to the KGB guys "... or Colonel Doctor Spalko is dead," but 10 minutes later can't remember what her name is when he is telling the FBI about her?

Also, it would be nice if Spielberg and Lucas had taken a physics course back in college. A crystal skull that is so magnetic that it can drag guns from their holsters shouldn't need gunpowder thrown into the air as some sort of magnetic detecting device. And magnetism doesn't negate gravity. The gunpowder shouldn't hover in the air while it decides which way to go, now should it? So now we have to suspend belief for a selectively super magnetic something that doesn't affect belt buckles or tooth-fillings, but does affect anything that Speilberg's needs affected at different times, with different strengths and acts upon different metals.

Another thing. Just how long is this whip of Indiana Jones? Long enough to be coiled up with 3 loops, and yet also long enough to reach 20 meters into the rafters if he needs to swing around like Tarzan. Roger that.

That Rocket train thing is interesting. What does it do? What is it for? Why is it there? I guess we'll never know. It just looks cool. Shut up.

I have to admit that my interest peaked a bit when I realized that Indiana was in a nuclear test mock up town. I doubt that anywhere other than in Spielbergville would the cheesy 50's kids music be playing on the stereo though. But how is he going to get out of this one?

Now unlike many other people, I did not find hiding in the lead-lined fridge ridiculously impossible. Lead for the radiation, fridge for the heat... improbable but clever. My suspension of belief will at least allow that. Indy survives the impossible as is correct and proper, and I hope the myth busters can get their hands on an atomic bomb because I wan't to see what happens to Buster in the same situation. It could be a "possible"...

What is less believeable is the rest of the film. Sword fights on the back of speeding jeeps, with everybody driving the (obviously fake) jeeps EXTREMELY carefully so that the actors don't fall off. No real driving stunts like we got in the original film, just patently impossible, ridiculous crap, done in green screen.

We get CGI monkeys. We get Marion driving off a cliff to certain death. "Trust me!" she cries, I have predicted the trajectory, calculated that the vehicle will again defy the laws of physics, remain upright, hit a tree, which will lower us to the river below and put us down just like a baby. Never mind the 100 foot waterfalls we will go over, the boat won't even get damp.

Look, the plot isn't all bad. If I can believe in the Ark of the Covenant, I guess can believe in aliens. I can even believe in aliens with crystal skeletons. I can believe in Shia Labouf or whatever his name is, maybe even more than I can believe in a bumbling Sean Connery.

What I can't stomach is Spielberg himself, and his absolutely dreadful and overbearing cinematic style. He and his actors are far too aware of the camera. All movements are stilted and over choreographed. He has zero sense of subtlety. He reuses the same same scenes from film to film. He treats his audiences like idiots and expects us to love him for it. He loves "scenes" at the expense of story, plot, pacing, and logic. He loves cuteness over substance. It is not so much that this film is worse than any of his others, it's just that the cuteness has finally worn off for most people. This film is shit. But, on the other hand, so was Last Crusade, for exactly the same reasons, and E.T., and The Goonies, and Hook, and Saving Private Ryan, and Jurassic Park, and Empire of the Sun, and most of the rest of them. They were always shit.

[J m HofMarN]

How is it possible that our fearless leader has not commented on this mess? George Lucas is involved in the rape of yet another beloved childhood icon and Chefelf is silent. Is his silence to do with being actually silenced by the KGB or aliens or ants, or is he keeping quiet while he works on "reasons to hate episode 4"

[Radu094]

While you are waiting for their films to begin, you find yourself sitting there saying to yourself "Please don't let it suck, please don't let it suck..." over and over to yourself.

You know that's exactelly what I did the entire movie.. "oh ,please don't fuck it up, please resist the urge to fuck up this movie",etc.

In the end there was no big screw up ala JarJar binks. Maybe a few smaller ones, but all in all no big disapointment, Lucas's CGI wanking aside (if you can ignore all the stupid animals and the visual effects at the end) .

All in all this wasn't the big disapointment I feared it would be, and these days that's enough for me to actually recommend a movie. My vote , this one goes into canon with the first 3. It's a Indiana Jones movie allright.

[Storm Shadow]

I hope we all realize that Steven at least attempted to make a somewhat entertaining movie.

Everything that went wrong with this movie....

EVERYTHING

can be attributed to Lucas' officially insane ass. If it wasnt evident 9 years ago, it is now: the man is CLEARLY off his rocker. It's so glaringly obvious where his "ideas" were in the film; CGI monkeys, CGI gophers, CGI plants, CGI Shia The Beef, CGI ants, CGI Shitty the Beef SWINGING ON VINES... vines!.....as ODB would say, nigga please. And then there are reports that Lucas felt there wasnt enough CGI being used to act as a substitute for the sets, and it was only through Steven's intervention that actual sets were built for the movie. Ridiculous.


but other than Lucas' fuckups, I had a good time. Most of my enjoyment can probably be attributed to nostalgia, though. It was great seeing Harrison fall into character. It's almost like the man never took a day off from being Indy. I'll probably watch it one more time once is comes to DVD so I can complete the collection, but that's about it. I cant complain. I certainly didnt feel like I wasted my money.


SWINGING THROUGH THE JUNGLE ON VINES LIKE TARZAN TO CATCH THE BADDIES! WTF