[Heccubus]

Suggested by another friend over MSN:
Hot Water Music
Did someone go at this guy's throat with a package of coarse sand paper? I mean what the hell? Okay, you know that one episode of the Simpsons where everyone thinks Mr. Burns is a disturbingly effeminate alien? You know that part where Dr. Marvin Monroe gives him his vocal cord scraping? That malicious device that he crams down his throat? THAT'S WHAT SOMEONE DID TO THIS MAN. They rammed a spinning, pointy, metal object down his throat and proceeded to shred his vocal cords away into a seething mass of bloody ruin. And then he formed a band.

Le Tigre
*boom tap boom tap boom tap boom tap SHRILL FUCKING SCREAMING boom tap boom tap boom tap*
"Feminism! Yeah!"

Atreyu
This band sucks almost as badly as the last couple of Neverending Story movies. I seriously hate them. Their faux-metal posturing is pathetic, their "singer" sounds like he's screaming with a pillow in his mouth, and their guitarists sound like they just recently picked the instrument up. Take your screechy, whiny bullshit elsewhere, and stop putting fucking skulls on everything.

Tori Amos
Stop not making sense and write some normal lyrics. Here's a lovely sample:

Everyday's my wedding day
Though bay's still in hs comatose state
I'll dye my own Easter eggs
Don't go yet
And Beenie lost the sunset but that's OK
Does Joe bring flowers to Marilyn's grave
And girls that eat pizza and never gain weight

...........What?

[Coco]

The Strokes
Kings of Leon

Have fun!

[Heccubus]

The Strokes
Hey, Julian Casablancas, guess what? Your robotic droning is tiresome and irritating. Try actually singing for once.

Kings Of Leon
Once again, I think these ass-backwards Skynrd wannabes do a pretty decent job of making fun of themselves.

Hey...who in God's name actually wants to be like Lynrd Skynrd anyway? Setting the bar a little low, aren't we?

[barend]

Hypoid
I've never listened to anything by Hypoid. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i thought there was one too few views on that thread!!!



and smashing pumpkins got off way too easy...


but er...

Anthrax?

[Jordan]

Del the funky homosapian

U2 (easy)

Santana

Petshop boys

[WalkingCarpet]

Frank Sinatra

[Marky]

You said it's too easy... ok... Have a go at:

The Accelerators
The Apers
The Battledykes
The Lulabelles
The Zatopeks

[Heccubus]

All Of The Bands Marky Mentioned
Searches on AMG turned up either nothing, or four or five artists with the same name. In most cases "Punk-Pop" or "Punk Revival" was pretty common as a genre classification, so I can only assume that they're all people with no talent who think they should be accepted because they rip off The Ramones. One of them had "Rockabilly Revival" listed though, which means they're ripping off the Stray Cats, which is just sad.

Anthrax
Thanks for giving us rap metal, guys. We appreciate that.

Del Tha Funkee Homosapien
I'd like to regard Del the way that everybody else does, and refer to him as this amazing underground emcee, but that isn't always the case with his music. I mean yeah, sometimes he's funny, but a lot of the time his lyrics are pretty stupid. Like "Oh shit, I have to be to the studio in five minutes and I have nothing written to record because I was too busy playing video games" stupid.

U2
I could go on about Bono's smug self-righteousness or the band's boring, repetitive droning, but I won't. Instead I will say only this: The Edge is the stupidest name in the history of everything. You could name yourself Gay McGay and have a name that is less gay than The Edge.

Santana
The only thing worse than a hippy is a hippy who won't fucking go away. Carlos Santana is one of the greater culture thieves of our day. He was looking around in the late 90s, saw that this "latin pop" thing was pretty big, and decided that it was high time he made an unnecessary comeback. Of course, rather than making an actual Santana album (which would've been bad enough), he decided to make a "Santana Plays Guitar And Some Useless Pop Stars Sing Over It" album. And then he made another one that was exactly the same.
And also, his hat is stupid.

Pet Shop Boys
These guys are one of those 80s synth pop artists that everyone has to like because they did a couple of good albums. No one's quite figured out that they stopped making anything of note after "Please", which had more than its fair share of low points. After that record, I'd say they produced maybe two or three worthwhile songs in total. Nothing really horrible to say about them, I guess. They're just over rated and unimportant.

Sinatra
He sounds like a sleazebag. I don't care about lounge acts, so I certainly don't care about Frank Sinatra. Okay fine, he could sing, so what? So can Mariah Carey, and you don't see me clamoring to buy her latest album (actually, I don't see anyone clamoring to buy it, but that's another thing entirely). Sinatra came along, sang with his buddies that no one really cares about anymore, then sang alone, then didn't sing, and then died. The end. He wasn't an amazing vocalist, and he wasn't doing anything particularly unique for the time. So I don't get why everyone went so fucking crazy about him. Either way, he's not worth freaking out over, although I guess he wasn't terrible either. I just think he was sleazy.

[floppydisk]

What exactly don't you like about Rush?

[Icey]

Skin (Singer)
Mogwai
Sigur Rós (OK, too easy)

[Heccubus]

Rush
Well, for starters, prog rock is the single most useless and horrendous genre of music that has ever existed. It's unbearably pretentious, and at times it's so laughably bad that it's hard to believe anyone actually likes the stuff. Plus, prog rock gave us the laser light show, which is just plain sad.

Skin
I've never heard of this, but the results on an AMG search provided nothing but trash. One was "alternative metal" which is a politcally correct way of saying "Nu Metal". That and none of their releases bore anything above three stars, which doesn't say much. The other was "post punk" which, let's face it, is a genre that consists of 99% garbage, and about ten good bands. For all the fawning that goes on over bands like the Fall, no one seems to realize that much of the work classified as "post punk" is unlistenable slop.

Mogwai
Where do I even begin? I guess the best route is to simply say that there are far better bands doing instrumental indie rock than Mogwai, and most of them aren't quite as good at being complete assholes.

Sigur Ros
Again, one of those bands that everyone fawns over, until they realize that they only actually have one really good album. That one with no song titles was okay, but its knee-deep pretension basically ruins the entire disc for me. Their first one was "avant-garde" bullshit. It was an attempt at being experimental that came off more as being incapable of just putting together an actual song. Then they put out a good album, an okay album, and this year they put out another bad album. Oh, and in between all of these, they realeased countless horrible EPs.

[Jordan]

Diana Krall

Flaming Lips

[barend]

Killing Joke are the greatest band ever...

i challange you to find something bad to say about them...

should you succeed...i will be impressed...

then i will kill you.

This post has been edited by barend: 30 October 2005 - 07:10 PM

[Jordan]

It's true what you say about Sinatra. Dean Martin is 10 times the man Frank ever was. Sinatra even admitted that his voice does not compare to Dean's. He said nobody of that time comared to Dean.

Dean Martin = Crooner of the Century.

[floppydisk]

Tiger Army