[Chefelf]

Yeah, that's right. Bob Dylan can go to hell. I have never been a big fan of the man. I tolerated him at a distance for most of my teen years and for all of my adult life. I've had a very mild appreciation for him existing and somehow inspiring some other really great artists. I have, however, generally had more admiration for the artists he inspired for being able to turn his influence into something better and more listenable. Also, I've always found this rule to be true:

Song written by Bob Dylan and performed by Bob Dylan < Song written by Bob Dylan and performed by someone else

There are too many examples to list them all but I will specifically mention "All along the watchtower" by Jimi Hendrix and "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" by just about anyone else as two prime examples of how others needed to summon genius to turn those two stinkers into what are generally regarded as great songs.

More so than his horrendous attempts at harmonica playing, terrible vocal work and average guitar playing it's his personality that really ruins him for me. I hate to have to invoke the curse word approach to get my point across but he's an asshole, a self-important, egotistical, holier than thou asshole.

The fact that nearly everyone in the world (and particularly people like the wankers at Rolling Stone) has elevated him past the status of living legend. He is considered to be something of a deity in the realm of pop music. For someone who lived past the age of thirty to have this level of praise and unconditional worship amongst music fans is unheard of.

A few weeks ago he did an interview with the wankers at Rolling Stone in which he made a bunch of comments about the state of modern music. To paraphrase the article: Bob Dylan's new album Modern Times is basically equivalent to finding a new gospel. He is the world's foremost genius and no one can deny that this is the best album in the world. To paraphrase what Dylan actually says in the article: all modern music is crap and technology is to blame. You can read the complete interview here. The article is largely a masturbatory celebration of how awesome it was to be in the same room with Bob Dylan for an hour and a half along with a few quotes from the Pope of music himself, Bob Dylan.

Here's a list of a few of the direct quotes from the article, straight from Dylan's big, fat, egotistical mouth:

Bob Dylan: "But I know that those songs are just in my genes and I couldn't stop them comin' out."
Translation: I'm a pretentious asshole.

Bob Dylan: "I don't like to make records. I do it reluctantly."
Translation: I'm doing you all a huge favor by forcing myself to grace you all with my genius.

Bob Dylan: "I feel like nobody's gonna know how I should sound except me anyway, nobody knows what they want out of players except me, nobody can tell a player what he's doing wrong, nobody can find a player who can play but he's not playing, like I can. I can do that in my sleep."
Translation: I invented music and I'm the world's best at it.

Bob Dylan: "On this record I didn't have anybody to teach. I got guys now in my band, they can whip up anything, they surprise even me."
Translation: I am Bob Dylan. I am the greatest musician, nay, person on the face of the Earth. If any other musician can impress me, Bob Dylan, the holy father of all music then they must be incredible

Bob Dylan: "The records I used to listen to and still love, you can't make a record that sounds that way."
Translation: These whippersnappers today with their electric guitars and them boom boxes just don't know how great music used to be. Everything now is terrible. Everything from before was great. Except when they were saying that about me in the sixties.

Bob Dylan: "Brian Wilson, he made all his records with four tracks, but you couldn't make his records if you had a hundred tracks today."
Translation: It would be impossible to use only four tracks if you have one hundred available. The laws of mathematics prove this.

Bob Dylan: "We all like records that are played on record players, but let's face it, those days are gon-n-n-e. You do the best you can, you fight that technology in all kinds of ways, but I don't know anybody who's made a record that sounds decent in the past twenty years, really."
Translation: An enormous, temperature-sensitive disc of wax, prone to easy damaged and degrading in sound from the moment it is manufactured is infinitely superior to digital technology. Everyone in the world would prefer a record to a CD because it takes up much more space and is infinitely inferior in every way. That's just a fact, there's no way to prove what I just said wrong in any way. Also, as a side note, there has been no good-sounding music recordings in twenty years. I'm Bob Dylan, the older brother of Jesus Christ and God's favorite son and I have just said this therefore it is 100% true.

Bob Dylan: "You listen to these modern records, they're atrocious, they have sound all over them. There's no definition of nothing, no vocal, no nothing, just like -- static."
Translation: I do not know how to properly operate a CD player.

Bob Dylan: "Even these songs probably sounded ten times better in the studio when we recorded 'em."
Translation: Even songs that were written and recorded by me, Bob Dylan, the greatest musician in the world and son of Zeus do not sounding good using modern technology. If music by someone as amazing and outstanding as myself can't sound good then how could anyone else possibly stand a chance? After all, I'm Bob Dylan, the creator of everything good in the universe and personal mentor to God.

Bob Dylan: "CDs are small. There's no stature to it."
Translation: It is the size of CDs that affect sound. Records are bigger. Bigger is better. That's just common sense.

Bob Dylan: "I remember when that Napster guy came up across, it was like, 'Everybody's gettin' music for free.' I was like, 'Well, why not? It ain't worth nothing anyway.'"
Translation: Technology has ruined everything that is great in the world. Furthermore, I wish that people still died at the age of thirty and that we had to walk barefoot everywhere we go.

When I read this interview, a few weeks ago, I was filled with disgust. It was the same crap that Neil Young (who I actually enjoy) was spouting off about ten years ago. "CDs are evil, but I'm going to release them anyway. My lack of understanding about modern technology is lacking so I'm going to run my mouth about it making myself look like an ignorant fool, then release a CD with Pearl Jam!"

I was able to calm myself down by talking to my good friend, and professional audio-engineer, K1NGWARREN and griping about how he's just an insufferable, pompous ass. After about thirty minutes of that I felt a little more relieved.

Then, the unthinkable happened...

I was watching TV when I saw this:

Ugh. How annoying. Bob "I hate technology" Dylan is clearly copping the style of an iPod commercial in efforts to plug his stupid new album, Modern Times. What an annoying hypocrite. Oh well, I thought, maybe whoever manages this ad campaign is jut trying to bite the iPod style to attract people. I guess I can't fault them for that.

Wait a second. Does that girl silhouette, dancing around, actually have an iPod?

It was at this point that I leapt to my feet and started screaming obscenities at the TV. With Dylan's Rolling Stone interview still fresh in my mind, this hit me while I was in a delicate mood.

I think that with this scientifically presented evidence it can clearly be asserted that Bob Dylan is the biggest asshole that the world has ever known. CDs apparently have no stature, but the iPod does, particularly when Apple is giving him a sizeable check to perform a yawn-inducing "blues" track from his shitty new album which he is also able to shamelessly plug at the same tune.

You're a rotten singer, Bob Dylan. Everyone's always known that. Just not half as rotten as you are as a human being.

[Despondent]

Saw him once. my
Worst Concert, Ever.

I'd have walked out, but my Uncle took me to thank me for some Bonnie Raitt tickets. It was awful. I started calling people on the phone so I could mentally leave.

Nice report on the Article.

[Deepsycher]

I have a few record players, even though I hear effects from various type of needles I mostly hear that scratching sound on the old records. My only agreement is the flooding of poor quality speakers and audio equipment on the market locally to me but not the music itself. I see that most of the music around me is made to suit the fashion or majority out there. So I have to look Elsewhere. I would like to hear technically why he thinks that records are superiour to cd's.


Even though I do have my own opinions against goths screaming and swearing down microphones it just seems right according to some listeners.


Wouldn't it be fair to say a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss?

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 07 September 2006 - 04:12 PM

[Chefelf]

Sorry to hear that, Despy. But thanks for verifying what I already knew to be true.

[Otal Nimrodi]

How about the Rolling Stones gather no Goths.

[Chyld]

I think that with this scientifically presented evidence it can clearly be asserted that Bob Dylan is the biggest asshole that the world has ever known. CDs apparently have no stature, but the iPod does, particularly when Apple is giving him a sizeable check to perform a yawn-inducing "blues" track from his shitty new album which he is also able to shamelessly plug at the same tune.

People have been selling out their principles for huge sacks of money for fifty odd years, if not for ever. Every man has his price. I am Chyld, I am angsty. Etcetera.

I nearly had to review his autobiography last Christmas for an Arts Reviewing exam. Instead, he got one-upped by a story of someone stalking a forestry professor.

[Deepsycher]

Well I am not a goth and they didn't gather me.

There is something that he might have not considered in technology, you pay for what you get. Not always true for people who lack understanding there.

"The bigger the better."

There are many variables to this:
Because snakes might be smaller than humans in size, does that make them any better when it comes to survival of the fittest?

If two objects of different sizes are being compared: A small object such as memory card smaller than half of an After Eight mint and a large record, which one will take the most damage? I don't think it is as simple as that.

Considering the texture of the ground, the size, force, weight and shape of the object:

The chance of the memory card being hit could be less if the object that fell on it was small, missed or so large that the support from an uneven or carpeted ground could spread the force away from it.

If the memory card got hit and damaged a lot of stuff could be unreadable.

If the record got hit or scratched which could be likely due to the size the damage could be contained to one part, so compared to the other some tracks or parts could be readable. I have seen that my records bend easily. So no, I don't think that bigger is always better as they each have their advantages and disadvantages.

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 07 September 2006 - 05:42 PM

[Icey]

Pah! Vinyl records are only the best for the FIRST time you play them, then they start scratching up. Their range is wider. But that's it really, they beat casettes. You really need to know what to talk about before you start spouting off.

If Dylan knew squat about CDs he'd know that CDs were designed to be able to carry Sony's CEO's (atleast at the time) favorite symphony. Both by range and length while fitting on that disk.

[Deepsycher]

Pah! Vinyl records are only the best for the FIRST time you play them, then they start scratching up. Their range is wider. But that's it really, they beat casettes. You really need to know what to talk about before you start spouting off.

I was comparing the reliability between a smaller and larger object to prove "that bigger is better" is not always true.

I remember someone telling me about a double sized audio cassette tape that was made by Sony. I can't remember the name of this type of cassette or recorder and according to them the quality was comparable over standard cassette tapes but due to the expense to buy it it did not go very far.

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 07 September 2006 - 05:59 PM

[Jordan]

Holy shit CHEF, you just made me choke on my lasagne from laughing.

I hate bob dylan. He's this larger than life Icon but I can't name a single song from him, save his covered tracks, which I found out much later were his songs.

The guy is so stale! Any of the other dudes on the travelling wilburys are 100 times better.

[Chefelf]

I hate bob dylan. He's this larger than life Icon but I can't name a single song from him, save his covered tracks, which I found out much later were his songs.

Yeah, I remember when I first learned that he did the original "All Along the Watchtower" and when I actually heard it I couldn't believe it. Sure made me think more of Jimi Hendrix though.

Caolan brought up a GREAT point about Bob Dylan that Paul told me about last night. She is sick of how he's always pretending he's from the South. Just look at the pic I posted. He's all bluesy and wearing a cowboy hat.

By the way, Bob, your real name is Robert Zimmerman.

[Deepsycher]

Bob Dylan: "But I know that those songs are just in my genes and I couldn't stop them comin' out."

What are you a rat?

Bob Dylan: "I don't like to make records. I do it reluctantly."

So you are doing it for only the money and not the interest of playing?

Bob Dylan: "I feel like nobody's gonna know how I should sound except me anyway, nobody knows what they want out of players except me, nobody can tell a player what he's doing wrong, nobody can find a player who can play but he's not playing, like I can. I can do that in my sleep."

(1) Of course, if you sing to a literally brainless bunch of people.
(2) Nobody may know what they want if the audience is made up of people who haven’t heard much music before.
(3) Nobody may know how to correct a player if they haven't developed or don't have their own taste of music as to judgement.
(4) Because of someone who produces very few records or lays dormant for a while doesn’t mean they are not players but it wouldn’t play well if a player plays thousands of songs that nobody wants to listens to. – Wasn’t implying him.
(5) As above you convince me you are in a dream world of your own.


Bob Dylan: "On this record I didn't have anybody to teach. I got guys now in my band, they can whip up anything, they surprise even me."

So you pick out all the perfect apples from the rest, is it because they play to the majority’s taste so you don’t have to put any real effort in training?

Bob Dylan: "The records I used to listen to and still love, you can't make a record that sounds that way."

I can make and listen to any record that sounds my way if I put my mind to it. Can you?

Bob Dylan: "Brian Wilson, he made all his records with four tracks, but you couldn't make his records if you had a hundred tracks today."

I could have more quantity but less quality or I could have less quantity but more quality depending to who it suits. That may not be comparable to someone who is living in a past of their own.

Bob Dylan: "We all like records that are played on record players, but let's face it, those days are gon-n-n-e. You do the best you can, you fight that technology in all kinds of ways, but I don't know anybody who's made a record that sounds decent in the past twenty years, really."

I expect improvements in technology and not the other way round. Also depends on what you are looking for. When you say decent do you mean for everybody else? Could say in your dreams but if you don't know anybody who has made a record that sounds decent in twenty years that could reflect your own tastes or even your restricted views of other players as above and below.

Bob Dylan: "You listen to these modern records, they're atrocious, they have sound all over them. There's no definition of nothing, no vocal, no nothing, just like -- static."

They may have sounds all over them that you might not understand as well as those who can’t understand guitar playing all over tunes.

Bob Dylan: "Even these songs probably sounded ten times better in the studio when we recorded 'em."

If you have the hardware to make them sound as ten times better to how you want then maybe, but I’d say that, is this similar to an angry workman who quarrels with his tools?

Bob Dylan: "CDs are small. There's no stature to it."

Of course CD’s are small, that is the very reason why they are called Compact Discs. If I describe a creature as small due to it’s height but they have the appropriate hardware to hunt humans, who will have the stature then?


Bob Dylan: "I remember when that Napster guy came up across, it was like, 'Everybody's gettin' music for free.' I was like, 'Well, why not? It ain't worth nothing anyway.'"

Due to the many choices and the types of listeners out there they may say the same about your music but it appears that your dream world is likely to protect you from that. For complaining about compact discs and other players without considering what in the technicalities to the insight whilst living in a dreamworld or past of yours then maybe you only have yourself to blame.

This is in my opinion on how I see it but I hope it doesn’t offend anyone here.

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 08 September 2006 - 10:07 PM

[civilian_number_two]

Bob Dylan is a musical genius, and I have been saying it for years. His forced rhymes speak for themselves. Consider "Rainy Day Women #12 & 35":

Well, they'll stone ya when you're trying to be so good,
They'll stone ya just a-like they said they would.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to go home.
Then they'll stone ya when you're there all alone.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they'll stone ya when you're walkin' 'long the street.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to keep your seat.
They'll stone ya when you're walkin' on the floor.
They'll stone ya when you're walkin' to the door.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

They'll stone ya when you're at the breakfast table.
They'll stone ya when you are young and able.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to make a buck.
They'll stone ya and then they'll say, "good luck."
Tell ya what, I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they'll stone you and say that it's the end.
Then they'll stone you and then they'll come back again.
They'll stone you when you're riding in your car.
They'll stone you when you're playing your guitar.
Yes, but I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they'll stone you when you walk all alone.
They'll stone you when you are walking home.
They'll stone you and then say you are brave.
They'll stone you when you are set down in your grave.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

----

That's poetry.

[Deepsycher]

I don't think I heard of that track before but shouldn't it be called Stoning Day Women?

So I take it that he makes up the poetry and other people play it for him.

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 09 September 2006 - 08:16 AM

[Chefelf]

Only a Grade A asshole would name that song "Rainy Day Women #12 & 35" even when they know everyone will only ever refer to it as "Everybody must get stoned."