Ok. Damn it. Dynamic Villian's parodies are too good. So let's change the Rewrite Effort into making Star Wars contemporary: If they were being remade (and Hollywood being Hollywood, I guarantee you the Star Wars hexology will one day be remade).
Star Wars 2008
Lando Calrisian: Suave and Charming, he's clearly out of vogue. Let's replace him with 'Fifty-cent Jackson'. He can call the Clonetroopers "Motherf***ers" and bristle that bad-ass attitude before Darth.
Chewbacca: Sells Kayzk to logging interests. Appears in a business suit, smokes cigars, Rolex, Incorporates. Sells Han out for the bounty: Grunts "Sorry old buddy, but I'd face a shareholder suit if I didn't take advantage of this business opportunity."
R2D2 and C3PO: Slow and clunky. Lucas has made great progress in CGI, so now we can have them whirring and gizzing with thousands of springly parts. The Lucasarts CGI dweebs are wetting themselves at the prospects of new and superflous animations.
Millenium Falcon: From above it sort of looks like an Apple? This is a great chance for a tie in with iPhones and iPods. Everyone must carry a mobile phone and chat in them incessantly. Every two minutes the characters must stop to make or receive a call. "Hi Biggs I'm on the Millenium Falcon for a six hour trip. So what's up with you?" Cockpit will need new design with many LCD monitors, which Han and Chewie use to surf the net for pr0n during those long voyages. They can have a Gag where Chewie sees Han looking at Human pr0n and grunts 'You perv! That's sick stuff!'
Music: Get rid of the classic score. Let's use the Matrix 3 Soundtrack: Loud and Obnoxious. Plagarizm is not a worry since no one actually saw Matrix 3.
Filth: Good wholesome family fun is out. We have to have superflous humping like they did in Matrix 3 (the part you slept through). It'll be a good chance to show the complete absence of pubic hair, even on Chewie.
Plot: Well, we really can't avoid the war on terror: It defines our times. So let's pump up the propaganda. When Obi-won tells Luke he's Jedi, Luke can scream terrist and threaten to turn him in. Lots of "Support the Clonetroopers" and "You're either with us or you are with the Sith!" motivational posters. Think FOX Galactic.
The Internet: It defines our times too. Whenever anyone does something, no matter how trite, they must blog it and update their MySpace page about it. Oops. MySpace is no longer cool. I mean Facebook. "I blew up the Deathstar. This is definitely going into Facebook". Luke can find Princess Lei in Wikipedia: "I just looked up Deathstar in Wikipedia and they have the princess in the detention block!" When R2D2 is finally plugged in by the rebels he uploads the Deathstar plans to Youtube. When Han needs to find someplace they can stop for repairs, he can Google for 'Bespin'.
ZOMG......that was hilarious!
This post has been edited by georgelucas4greedo: 26 July 2007 - 09:09 AM