Joke Thread
#1
Posted 01 March 2006 - 09:56 AM
Strange Questions That Will Always Remain Unanswered.
1. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
2. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going
as ghosts but as mattresses?
3. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
4. Is there another word for synonym?
5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?"
6. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
7. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
8. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
9. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
10. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent?
11. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
12. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?
13. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
14. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
15. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
16. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
17. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
18. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
19. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
If there is an Official Joke thread then please dont hurt me
Great Quotes Of The 21st Century/Cobnat gets serious!
Ron Paul At AntiWar.com/A Writing Guild For The Clinically Retarded/Death By Quotes/AntiWar/Early Justin Raimondo articles/In Defense Of Yoshiro Mori By Justin Raimondo/Vox Popoli
Evil Happens/This Is A Knife!/Minorities, too!/
AYBABTU/Che Guevara Action Figure!/Strange Humour
#2
Posted 01 March 2006 - 10:12 AM
---------
The Liberal Media
LIBERAL MEDIA
Lemme see, have I got this straight............
Clinton awards Halliburton no-bid contract in Yugoslavia - good...
Bush awards Halliburton no-bid contract in Iraq - bad...
Clinton spends 77 billion on war in Serbia - good...
Bush spends 87 billion in Iraq - bad...
Clinton imposes regime change in Serbia - good...
Bush imposes regime change in Iraq - bad...
Clinton bombs Christian Serbs on behalf of Muslim Albanian terrorists - good...
Bush liberates 25 million from a genocidal dictator - bad...
Clinton bombs Chinese embassy - good....
Bush bombs terrorist camps - bad....
Clinton commits felonies while in office - good...
Bush lands on aircraft carrier in jumpsuit - bad...
Clinton says mass graves in Serbia - good...
Entire world says no WMD in Iraq - bad...
No mass graves found in Serbia - good...
No WMD found in Iraq - bad...
Stock market crashes in 2000 under Clinton - good...
Recession under Bush - bad...
Clinton refuses to take custody of Bin Laden - good...
World Trade Centers fall under Bush - Bad...
Clinton calls for regime change in Iraq - good...
Bush imposes regime change in Iraq - bad...
Terrorist training in Afghanistan under Clinton - good...
Bush destroys training camps in Afghanistan - bad...
Milosevic not yet convicted - good...
Saddam in custody - bad...
Ah, the liberal media is so confusing!
Great Quotes Of The 21st Century/Cobnat gets serious!
Ron Paul At AntiWar.com/A Writing Guild For The Clinically Retarded/Death By Quotes/AntiWar/Early Justin Raimondo articles/In Defense Of Yoshiro Mori By Justin Raimondo/Vox Popoli
Evil Happens/This Is A Knife!/Minorities, too!/
AYBABTU/Che Guevara Action Figure!/Strange Humour
#3
Posted 01 March 2006 - 11:10 AM
So... Who wants to bet that someone, possibly JM, will respond to the liberal media statements, and ignore the jokes. Actually, I will... Did ANYONE blame Bush for the WTC falling? And if it had happened under Clinton, would we be clapping? That's the only problem I can think of. As far as I know, with my limited knowledge of any thing relevant to anything at all, are all true.
Oh, and some of those were good questions up there. Some of them were slightly immature.
PM me, we'll talk.
#4
Posted 01 March 2006 - 11:34 AM
2. Yes, maybe hot chocolate can be poured over them half way through their journey.
3. Maybe if the mother is like that.
4. Dictionary can help or you could make up your own words with relation to a verbal sense.
5. Perhaps yes, if there are practicing on money.
6. Ha, I once asked why aren't people given strong parachutes and breather masks with gas tanks considering the weight. I do not think they value the lives of people to that extent, as they appear too busy of supply and demand on the cheap.
7. Yes and maybe his land.
8. Another name could be called hovering.
9. Yes, thinking in the terms of rats or criminals who hide in there to clean their supply.
10. Normally but sometimes they can use excuses at busy times.
11. To put business first in front of the poor is one reason.
12. Life cycle, perhaps in a previous life people could be another creature, and in time they may be reborn as people.
15. If they are in competition without air.
16. To state when product gets out of control before serious mould growth.
17. Perhaps the simplest.
19. Astroids are not falling to the joke.
If there is an Official Joke thread then please dont hurt me
This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 01 March 2006 - 12:03 PM
#5
Posted 01 March 2006 - 12:15 PM
I mean "there" as to their and "poor" as to blind.
13. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
They could attract the deer with preferred colours.
14. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
One guess I have is brown mushy bread.
18. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
I was thinking of people who feels sorry for those with "lisps" and classed them as "small" mouthed or "silent" lipped.
This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 01 March 2006 - 12:23 PM
#10
Posted 01 March 2006 - 02:06 PM
Should home and flat owners take responsibility for the paper wastage of unsolicited junk mail?
And also for the needle littering of male junkies?
This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 01 March 2006 - 02:16 PM
#11
Posted 01 March 2006 - 02:42 PM
#12
Posted 01 March 2006 - 02:55 PM
Oh so the interpretations of the verb in the words: "driveway" as a noun, drive here is the verb.
So for "giveway" as to give in the form of a verb.
"Speakers" as to speak.
"Standing" as to stand.
This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 01 March 2006 - 03:03 PM
#13
Posted 01 March 2006 - 05:53 PM
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
because it would make the plane too heavy.
Remember Emu's face, people; one day it's going to be on the news alongside a headline about blowing some landmark to smithereens, and then we can all sigh and say, "She was such a normal person".....
....We'd be lying though.
-Laughlyn
If my doctor tells me to exercise, I am going to force him to do my homework.
-Mirithorn
- Do Not Use the Elevators - deviantART - Infinite Monkeys -
#15
Posted 01 March 2006 - 06:55 PM
Chyld is an ignorant slut.
- Campbell Bean (David Tennant), Takin' Over the Asylum, 1994