Let's Play A Game
#1
Posted 26 October 2005 - 04:38 AM
All in good fun kids, so if I rip on someone you like, don't come crying about it.
#2
Posted 26 October 2005 - 04:49 AM
My Chemical Romance
You know, at first I really liked My Chemical Romance. They struck me as being sort of unique in their own little way. But then I realized that they sound like approximately seven billion other bands that look, act, and play the exact same way. The only difference here is that they take themselves way too seriously. I mean Christ, the singer looks like he's either ready to cry, or holding in the most extravagantly large bowel movement of his life at all times. He never has a normal expression on his face. He's either gritting his teeth and furrowing his brow, or staring with his eyes forced open as wide as they can possibly go.
And don't EVEN get me started on that bass player's retarded looking haircut.
#3
Posted 26 October 2005 - 08:20 AM
Ok... have a crack at Soulfly. Easy, but not too easy.
Less Is More v4
Now resigned to a readership of me, my cat and some fish
#4
Posted 26 October 2005 - 08:28 AM
Imagine you're Max Cavalera. What do you do when you decide to leave Sepultura just as they're getting big? You start Sepultura Jr. and keep making the same music you just quit making. "But this is different!" you insist. "We're using, like, Brazilian instruments 'n' shit!" But no, Max, it isn't different. Maybe you've forgotten, but you had entire tracks of instrumental Brazilian music on "Roots" with your good band. I also seem to recall you coming up with better lyrics than "Back to the primitive/Fuck all your politics" in Sepultura. In fact, by comparison, your collaboration with Fred Durst in Sepultura is almost forgiveable compared to the recycled, uninteresting slop that you've been churning out with Soulfly.
#7
Posted 26 October 2005 - 12:35 PM
The Streets
The accent is fake. We all know. You can stop using it now, Mr. Skinner. You can also stop making overtly pussified emo/rap concept albums that do little more than gripe about your lousy love life. Fix your fucking teeth and things might go a bit better for you in that arena.
AFI
One thing, and one thing only. Dudes who wear eyeliner are fucking idiots.
#9
Posted 26 October 2005 - 02:16 PM
I insulted a lot of people. I mean...come on:
I never used to have a problem with it, but when I see something like that?
Anywho, Coheed And Cambria. Another band that I do actually like, regardless of Claudio Sanchez' shrill, girlish squealing. My main beef with Coheed And Cambria is their pretentious, and above all ridiculous album and song titles. " Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV, Vol. 1: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness"? What the sweet flying fuck is that? I can come up with a huge list of titles that can be made from that ridiculous string of seemingly random phrases without even changing their order:
-Good Apollo, I'm Burning
-Burning Star IV
-Star IV Vol. 1
-From Fear
-Fear Through The Eyes of Madness
-Through The Eyes Of Madness
And it just keeps going like that. Start changing the order of the words around and you probably have an infinite band name generator there. I suppose I should be grateful for this service. If I ever need to name an album, I'll just randomly select some key phrases from Coheed album titles, and be all set.
#11
Posted 26 October 2005 - 02:52 PM
John Lennon:
He was a lot like one of those really in-your-face pretentious arty kids that you hated in high school. He looked like he really thought he was smarter than everyone else, and he talked like it too. Plus he could've spared us all decades of torment by pushing Yoko in front of himself and letting her take the bullet instead.
Paul McCartney:
Okay, so he used to be cool, now he's just annoying. I don't care if he's a knight (does that even mean anything nowadays? Like it England went to war would he have to don a suit of armor and fight?), he's a jackass. For one thing, he should've never let that little wife of his pick up a microphone, and he should've had the members of Wings collectively killed instead of forming a band with them. And that whole Lennon/McCartney vs. McCartney/Lennon thing is absurd. No one cares Paul. Kindly remove the steel rod from your ass and shove it into your skull.
Ringo Starr:
Too. Fucking. Easy.
George Harrison:
He was the ugly one, right?
#14
Posted 26 October 2005 - 06:17 PM
-Good Apollo, I'm Burning
-Burning Star IV
-Star IV Vol. 1
-From Fear
-Fear Through The Eyes of Madness
-Through The Eyes Of Madness
And it just keeps going like that. Start changing the order of the words around and you probably have an infinite band name generator there. I suppose I should be grateful for this service. If I ever need to name an album, I'll just randomly select some key phrases from Coheed album titles, and be all set.
Hehe, you don't know about the story, do you? They're a concept band... Want me to e-mail you the first Graphic Novel/Comic Book? It explains a lot, stuff like what the Prise are, the band title, who Josephine, Mayo and Mariah are, The Fence, and some other stuff.
This post has been edited by floppydisk: 26 October 2005 - 06:17 PM
#15
Posted 27 October 2005 - 01:01 AM
Now then....
Metallica
Do these guys really have this much trouble taking a hint? Does someone actually need to walk up to each of them, slap them across the face, and scream "You are not relevant anymore! Go away!" in their ears? Seriously. These clowns haven't contributed anything to heavy music worth paying any attention to in over a decade. Shit, even Jason Newstead got the hint and joined a band that still bears some relevance (Voivod). And what, exactly, is the deal with that new guy that they have playing bass? Does he always, always have to be wearing a Metallica shirt? Does he think we're going to forget that he's in the band if he isn't properly labelled? The world would be a far better place if Metallica would just take the fucking hint and stop putting out music. And it would be a much, much better place if they'd stopped putting out music in the 80s.
White Zombie
More like White Trash! HA HA HA HA HA!