Galcian's Profile
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Reasons to Hate 91 Reasons to Hate Episode III
Posted 27 Jun 2005
Reason #5
R2 Leaps Out of Ship
When the Jedi crash-land on Grievous's ship, Artoo jumps out of Anakin's fighter like some sort of droid acrobat. What's worse is that this happens again, later in the film. I am certainly interested to know what it is between Episode III and Episode IV that made Artoo lose his agility and special powers. Presumably, he also had the ability to fly out of the ship if he had so chosen! In Episode IV, they require a complex arrangement of cranes and suction pumps to insert and remove their R2 units from their ships. Perhaps this is part of the technological dark ages that typically follow the beginning of an empire. You know, those kind of dark ages.
Artoo clearly does not jump out of the ship. He's launched out by some sort of catapault system that allows him to land on the ground without having to be lowered. Ever notice in Episode IV that astrodroids have to be loaded into the X-Wing by cranes? How do you suppose they get down? Remember in Episode V when Artoo lands in the swamp while trying to get off the X-Wing? That kind've sucked, didn't it?
Reason #7
R2 Cell Phone
As Obi-Wan and Anakin are going to rescue the chancellor, Obi-Wan gives Artoo his cell phone. This gives Obi-Wan the ability to be one of those annoying cell phone users who utilize the walkie-talkie feature to communicate obsessively. This constant noise alerts the super battle droids to R2-D2, and Artoo is forced to hide amongst some miscellaneous cylinders and muffle the phone inside his chest plate because, apparently, the communication device is not equipped with an "off" feature. After all, in turning off the phone, you would also be turning off the potential for so many HILARIOUS droid antics! What a shame it is that R2-D2 and his cell phone do not come standard with a volume control feature, like, say, my answering machine does. Then again, my answering machine does not have rocket boosters, so there ya go.
I don't recall you ever complaining about the almost identical scene in Episode IV where Threepio is talking to Luke with a cell phone. But, I guess it's only been trendy to hate everything George Lucas does for the past decade or so, right?
Reason #9
General Grievous
General Grievous was one of my biggest problems with Episode III before seeing the movie, and after seeing it that hasn't changed. Pictures of General Grievous led me to believe that he was a hell-demon of pure evil. Two seconds after seeing him onscreen in the theater showed that he was just a big, dumb idiot.
Nearly any possible potential fear of Grievous is eliminated as soon as he doubles over to begin hacking and wheezing. It is already relatively difficult to be scared of a robot with emphysema, but any remaining potential for fear is removed when he begins talking and it becomes clear that his voice is simply Triumph the Insult Comic Dog doing an impression of Watto from The Phantom Menace.
To further weaken Grievous's character, he is a tremendous coward: a scheming, double-crossing bad guy who would be better suited as the nemesis of a cartoon rabbit than the Jedi order.
It is also worthy of noting how bizarre it is that Grievous coughs as much as he does, considering he doesn't appear to have any lungs.
Doesn't appear to have any lungs? You can see his innards clear as day when Obi-Wan opens up his chest. Remember when Grievous died? It's because Obi-Wan shot him there. You did see this movie, right? And the reason why he's coughing is because Mace Windu crushed his chest in Clone Wars.
Reason #20
PAD-UH-MAY
I've always been distracted by the way there doesn't seem to be a set pronunciation for specific characters' names. Sure, people could mispronounce others' names in real life, but once you knew someone and were friends with them for several years, wouldn't you learn the correct way to pronounce their name and have some respect for it? In A New Hope, we hear General Dodonna distinctly mispronounce Leia's name as "LEE-AH" instead of "LAY-AH." Lando Calrissian always calls Han "HAN" instead of "HAHN."
Revenge of the Sith continues this tradition with Anakin mispronouncing his own wife's name! He, for some reason, insists on changing Padme into a three syllable word: PAD-UH-MAY. During the scene where they have a lover's reunion, I keep expecting Padme to lash out and say: "It's PAD-MAY, jackass! Not PAD-UH-MAY! Remember when we were married in that clandestine ceremony and the guy said do you take PAD-MAY to be your wife? Well, that's me. That's my name, AN-KIN!"
Alright. You've gone fron nitpicking to just plain bitching. I never heard Anakin say "PAD-UH-MAY". I've never heard anyone else mention this. I'm pretty sure you made this up.
Reason #21
Wind?
After this touching reunion, Anakin and Padme are enjoying a postcoital chat in their super-secret glass penthouse. They are on the balcony of the penthouse and Padme is going on and on about having the baby on Naboo and decorating its room, etc. Anakin is giving her a creepy smile while she continues brushing her hair. It is worthy of noting that they are on a balcony... an open-air balcony, and once again the calm skies of Coruscant are not providing so much as a one kilometer per hour breeze one mile above the surface of the planet. I'm sure this has all been explained in the Star Wars Databank. Perhaps they had to get rid of all the wind on Coruscant to be able to fit in more city. It's a giant city-planet, you know?
Okay... now.. I know you're probably having trouble trying to come up with every possible reason to bitch about this movie since it's a lot better than the last two, but this is getting ridiculous. Can you hear yourself? You're actually complaining about wind now. WIND. JESUS H TAP-DANCING CHRIST, MAN, WHO GIVES A RAT'S ASS?! Seriously, I cannot go on enough about how pathetic this is.
[B]Reason #29 [/B]
The Jedi Code
Anakin brings up again that the Jedi Council is asking him to do something that is "against the Jedi Code." This is not, I believe, the first time that the Jedi Code is brought up in this movie and it is far from the last time it will be mentioned. Rumblings about the Jedi Code are scattered throughout this movie by Anakin, Obi-Wan and even Palpatine (as I recall). But what is the Jedi Code? Funny you should ask. It is simply this:
There is no emotion, there is peace
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge
There is no passion, there is serenity
There is no death, there is the Force
Funny. That's a pretty simple code. Obviously, it's open to a lot of interpretation. There are points in this movie when I began wondering if I was thinking of the wrong code. Perhaps what I was thinking of was merely the Jedi slogan or the Jedi credo, but no, I was thinking of the right thing.
The way the Jedi Code is handled in this movie would have you believe that it is a 400 page manual. There are constant references to doing things "against the code. " They only stop short of stating specific passages. "Jedi Directive 44387 clearly states that any Jedi engaged in communications with a Jawa after sunset shall forfeit his Jedi membership card and lightsaber for three days and be docked a week's pay."
I was working at Best Buy while I was going to college. The Best Buy code is, "To have fun while being the best and to offer customers the ultimate shopping experience." Does that mean that because the Best Buy code does not go into detail about sexual harassment, that sexually harassing someone at Best Buy isn't against the Best Buy code of ethics? Maybe you would've been happier if Anakin actually said, "It's against the Jedi code of ethics"? Yeah, you sure thought this one over.
Reason #31
The Stupid Dumb Jedi Idiots
I think this may have been mentioned in the review of The Phantom Menace, but I will mention it again. Why do the Jedi think that the Force needs to be balanced? I would agree that the Force seems to be completely out of balance in the prequels, however, this works to the Jedi's favor. The Jedi number in the thousands while there are only two Sith. At one point, it appears to the Jedi that there are even fewer Sith (read: zero). So why in the name of all that is holy would they want to balance that out? It's as if Master Yoda is not familiar with the ancient Jedi proverb: "If not broken it is, fix it you should not."
The force is a mystical energy controlling the entire universe. It is not adversely effected by the Jedi|Sith ratio. During the prequel trilogy, the force is very unbalanced. It is this lack of balance that allows the Sith to hide their presence so well, and it gives them their superior power, whereas the Jedi are far weaker during this era because the force is so heavily unbalanced against them, which is why they fail to sense things Jedi would normally sense.
[COLOR=blue] Reason #35
Unnatural
When Anakin asks if it is possible to learn the powers to create life and stop people from dying, Palpatine tells him that "the Dark Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural." Apparently moving rocks around with your mind, falling a thousand feet and then grabbing hold of a speeding cruiser, deflecting blaster shots with a lightsaber and being able to see the future are rather ho-hum to the general population of the galaxy.
Perhaps you would've rather had Palpatine say, "considered to be unnatural compared to the average Jedi abilities. Of course, that's not to say that the Jedi abilities aren't unnatural or anything. I suppose the Jedi abilities are very impressive and unnatural. I'm just saying. The Sith powers are pretty damn unnatural if you ask me."
Reason #36
The Virgin Birth (or Anakin, I am your father.)
After introducing this new element of creating life and saving life using the Force, a lot of questions about Anakin's birth are raised. It is assumed that Plagueis was the master of Lord Sidious (Palpatine) and it is Sidious who killed Plagueis and learned everything that he knew. (In the novelization, Palpatine actually comes out and says it outright.) That assumption being made leaves the possibility open that Plagueis (or Sidious) is actually the "father" of Anakin, who was "conceived through the midi-chlorians." As soon as the element of creating life was brought up, I fully anticipated an ending scene on Cloud City with Palpatine reaching a hand out to Anakin. I still can't decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that it never happened.
This is probably the worst nitpick I've ever read. I understand what you're saying, but what exactly is the complaint here? And shouldn't you be complimenting Lucas for giving enough credit to the audience to assume they'd be able to figure out that Plagueis was Palpatine's master? If this were either of the other two prequels we would have been treated to a song and dance number about the Sith lineage.
Reason #39
The Clones
I try to just accept it. I try to just let it go that they're all clones of Jango Fett. But I can't. They're freaking me out! In every scene we have a bunch of weird Temuera Morrison heads smirking, grinning, and frowning all over the place. All in all the guy must get more screen time than Hayden Christensen or Ewan McGregor.
So you think because you were slightly creeped out by more than one person with the same head appearing on screen at the same time is a valid reason to hate the movie? You know, I don't think anyone else in the entire world cared about this before you brought it up. Once again, this is really pathetic. Do you sniff your socks when you take them off or something?
More to come.
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