Posted 27 August 2007 - 06:23 AM
There is no way that the movies are meant to be seen in chrononogical order. That is just ridiculous! Stories are told to give you information in the order that the storyteller thinks is the most interesting. If that involves plot devices such as flashbacks, then that is the way the story should unfold. Otherwise, every mystery novel in the universe would start with the killer murdering his victim, and then... no mystery. So, knowing who Leia is, Luke is, Obi wan is, who Vader is the father of, etc. during Star Wars is just stupid. There's no mystery to it, and so it becomes boring.
I think Phantom Menace introduces the jedi knights in a reasonably decent way. We might think we know what Jedi's are, but we have never really seen fully trained proper knights in action yet. Even one of those aliens remarks
"Have you ever encountered a Jedi Knight before?... we will not survive this!"
Lucas builds a bit of anticipation there. Sure, we've seen old man Kenobi and half robot Vader and semi trained punk skywalker, but what were Jedis like during the height of the Jedi period? We are about to find out...
The Phantom Menace is not all bad. There is a menace emerging in the galaxy, but nobody can tell exactly what it is... it is a kind of phantom menace. The roving Jedi seem to be cool; Qui Gonn and Obi Wan are quite believable as "guardians of peace and justice", while the temple dwelling Jedi are sort of rotting away in that temple of theirs. Another "phantom menace"; the moral decay of the knights. Another menace is that the Republic seems to be decaying from within, because of that damn beauracracy. Palpatine seems to be a kind of weaslely menace, and Darth Palpatine is a mysterious menace. So, to sum up, there is a Phantom Menace growing in the galaxy.
It's not a problem that Darth Vader is introduced as a totally uncorrupted kid. I mean, do you think Hitler's first words as a baby were "Kill the Jews?" So Annakin is set on the road to Jedi-dom, and Palpatine has his eye on him. And maybe (most likely) Palpatine is Sidious too, judging by that last scene when they are all wondering about masters and apprentices.
People hate Phantom Mence for the wrong reasons. Usually it is "It doesn't connect with anything!!!" What, like the totally tight plotting of the rest of the series? Anyway, this movie is supposed to be viewed FIRST, right?
People don't like Qui Gonn - "Never heard of him before. Don't like him!"
Don't like Gungans! They remind me of black people. Sorry, I don't mean that! I like black people, but I don't like Gungans because they are racist caricatures of black people. Not that I personally see any resemblance between 8 foot orange frogs and black people, but come on, it's like totally obvious!
And they have to bring Jar Jar along on the adventure with them! He's lame! Qui Gonn, however, (being an old republic Jedi) does not see Jar Jar as lame and worthless as you or I do. That's because he is better than you and I are. But Qui Gonn is killed at the end of the movie, thus symbolising the beginning of the end of the old republic, and it's ethics. However, it is not all in vain, because the obviously superior Naboo people accept the Gungans as equals, (even though clearly they are not, right?). 'Cause that's what racial tolerance is all about.
Phantom Menace does in fact have an end, which makes it only the second film of the 6 to bother to do so. But even though the the film ends with most loose ends tied up, there is still the lingering threat that things have begun to slide downhill. The characters are set on the board and the real game is about to commence. Act one finished, dénouement to follow.
Like the Original Trilogy, the Prequel Trilogy sets up a possibly interesting scenario. And, like the Original Trilogy, the sequels are a let down, delivering on none of the promises.
Why does it all suck?
What I have never liked about the films (after Star Wars) is their total lack of subtlety. I attribute this to the lame fans, EU writers, etc. The most smallest comment, or most miniscule act, or most minor character is always blown up disporoportionately into something it was most likely never intended to be. Some examples:
The Falcon is a "piece of junk" yet can make ".5 past light speed" according to the original. Ok, don't judge by appearances, (just becuase you are a grizzled old man, doesn't mean that you can kick some ass later). By Empire, the Falcon has become "the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy!" Yep, obvoiusly the Falcon has posted it's timed runs for comparison with other illegal ships, and has the gold medal, and everybody knows it. "Hey mister, can I take a photo of your famous ship? You're that smuggler Han Solo, right?"
Vader chokes a guy on the original Death Star with the force (in a caual offhand way) to
1.) show him the force is not made up bullshit
2.) get him to shut up
Now the so called "Force Choke" is a major Jedi trick, used by all Jedi everywhere all the time. Choke Ozzel, choke Needa, choke Jabbas guards, choke your wife... it's their goddam signature move now. It's the major benefit of becoming a Jedi; you can choke your enemies!
This goes along with "The force can have a strong influence on the weak minded" Yes, Obi wan gets them out of a tight spot with a stormtrooper with this minor trick. It's the first force magic we (and Luke) are shown, just a little introduction to let us know Obi wan is maybe a bit more than he appears to be.
Now it's another major Jedi trick, used practically every day. ("You weak minded fool! He's using an old Jedi mind trick!")
But Toydarians are all immune to it!
Yes, once this Irish guy said to me "You can't drink me under the table, I'm Irish!"
Naturally I immediately deduced that all Irish men, women and children are immune to the effects of alchohol and I would be unwise to drink with any person on earth with Irish blood in them because I would of course end up under the table. Otherwise, why would that chap have said such a thing to me. It must be true.
And Yoda once said "Wars not make one great." I get it, that must mean that no Jedi would ever fight in a war! It's basic logic: If Wars: then Not Great. Thus One Great: Wars Not Make. QED. Jedi's don't fight. Ever. At least not Yoda, he would never hit you, not even if you were to try and get your own flashlight off him after the little pecker tried to nick it in a jungle somewhere.
Remember Bothans? They are a race who are all masters of disguise, espionage, cunning, daring, deviousness, and are especially good at stealing plans to military installations. How do we know this? Oh some woman mentioned it in Return of the Jedi about a single incident.
And that wasn't just "Some Woman!" Being that she ordered that attack on Endor, she must order all attacks everywhere, and therefore must be the leader, and in fact she must have actually started the rebel alliance too. Her name is Mon Mothma, only nobody ever calls her this, and there is another guy whose name is Mon Calamari, but I don't think they are related, because he is a giant squid. Only the names are the same, see? She was on vacation during the first attack on the Death Star, that's why we didn't see her before, but oh yes. She's the boss.
This kind of explanation also explains why "Republic Credits are no good here..." Does "here" mean Tatooine, or just Watto's crappy little shop? You know, this one time I was in this shop in Tabriz, and the greasy shop owner told me that he had the best prices in the whole city, so naturally I didn't bother to shop around becuase why would he lie? I mean, he seemed an honest, upright chap.
Stop being so literal! The 100 years war wasn't a 100 years, and the clone war wasn't originally about clones. It was cyclone war. Land-SPEEDER, an-DROID, at-TRACTOR BEAM, e-VAPORATOR, and cy-CLONE WAR. Panama hats don't come from Panama, the black box on a plane isn't black, and camel hair paintbrushes aren't made from camels.
The Star Wars saga is lame bacause the fans demand that it be lame.