[SimeSublime]

Decrepit ship, aye? Keep an eye on it, but don't move against it unless it moves to attack us. The hellspawn in the jungles are the target of God's wrath.

[Otal Nimrodi]

Cap'n Bloodbeard ((Slade is Bloodbeard, right?)) if'n yer crew don't hold no objections to a short wait, some o' me men an' I be goin' to check out that ship fer clues. Valuable clues, preferably in the shape o' diamonds an such.

[Zatoichi]

Well men, it seems we'll be taking on the bloody Jesuits, and aiding our fellow Englishmen. I know I have been out of commision for some time, but you can have faith in me. Though I am no longer your Lord Admiral, I shall work against the enemies of our queen and country to the best of my ability. I expect you all to fight with honor and valor. When we join the battle we shall bathe in the blood of these overightous religous zealots. This will not be easy. Many of you may die. May your souls be borne to Heaven upon the salty sea winds. May your tea stay hot and your crumpets stay scrumptious.

Prepare yourselves. Together let us send these dogs of Hell back to the Abyss. ((Is that even possible))
We shall succeed and bring peace back to these shark-infested waters.




... Unless of course they have any undead cycborg pirate ninjas, a death ray, or a professional checkers set. That would be most unfortunate.
Oh look, time for tea.

Random subordinate #3: But sir we just had tea.
Random subordinate #12: Oh just heat up the water and don't question his tea-time habits.

[Slade]

Arr, I be back, I be Cap'n Bloodbeard Denshin (Either name is fine, since it's silly-long to begin with.), an' me crew would like to accompany yours for a share in the treasure, to hunt for clues, an' to sink the vessel when we're done. Maybe it won't mean or do anything, but I just don't like a ship floating when it shouldn't be. When we board, I'll have my katana at the ready, with a jug of holy water at my belt, firmly fastened and with me aware to be careful of it so that I don't break it in case something unpleasant happens.

This post has been edited by Slade: 20 November 2007 - 08:57 AM
Reason for edit:: (SP)

[J m HofMarN]

Post is soon to come. Had... matters to attend to and became dissilusioned with everything. Slade however has threatened to bomb my house if he doesnt find evidence that I've posted. Also, I think we all need a holiday, so I'll be inventing one.

[SimeSublime]

So we can all get back to slaughtering me soon? Huzzah!

[J m HofMarN]

Barend- The Spanish are going to be kind of proactive. They fire a warning shot and gesture for you to identify yourself. Thankfully they cant see just who you are, but the shot alerts the crews on the English vessels.

Ninja Duck - This man came........ from Detroit. You should fear him. And actually if you complete the sidequest you'll technicly be landed. Your strategy is certainly a good one as zombieism seems to be going around these days. Well, just on one famous ship, but people are suspicious it might spread. You find the guy good. He's passed out in a puddle of something. Is it rum? Is it urine? Is it vomit? Is it all three? You cant be sure, but regardless of which it is, considering the man's habits, either fluid would contain enough alcohol to be called hard liquor. He's really passed out, s'what I'm sayin.

But he sure as fawk wakes up when you latch onto him. "YARGHABLE MY FLESH!!" He cries. You're clearly diseased and are therefore taken to the physicians quarters. The physician, a kindly old man with spectacles and a peg leg, asks you whether you've caught Pimpernelitis or The Squirrelies. It occurs to you that a pirate ship's doctor may not be the sort to carry a degree, but you can ask who trained him. Meanwhile he prescribes grog. The man with the bleeding arm meanwhile has his wound wrapped in some rags and is then given rum. The doctor, feeling a bit ill himself at so much bother, prescribes himself with rum. The man in bed next to you, suffering from liver failure, is recieving a different treatment. You can talk to him if you like, but he's a bit groggy because he's just been given his daily rum enema.

Finally you do spot a medical degree, but many of the Rs are backwards, and even to an uneducated pirate such as yourself this "Bacardi Medical School" sounds a bit suspect.

Sime- They report they fired a warning shot and are now awaiting a reply. I'll see what we do with the hellspawns in subsequent posts. Any orders for the defense?

Otal- You find some old leatherbound book, some blood on the deck, and of course food and treasure. The ship will quake a bit if you bring the rum jugs of holy water aboard.

Zatoichi - Sorry mate. You flub your tea having roll. As the ship speeds towards Cuba a wave hits and you get scalding tea over your chest and your dickey. Your dickey is destroyed and you must select another cravat. Thankfully it wont cause a lasting scar, and the burn looks a bit like Jesus. Anyhow you go on deck and can see in the distance, from left to right: a black torn up ship crewed by you cant be sure who flying the Jolly Roger, a Spanish fort under attack from landward, and a British fleet moored a ways off from the fort. Whatcha doin homes?

Slade- You DO bring holy water on the ship. The ship is not pleased, but since the holy water is contained nothing happens but an eerie shudder. Otal's crew has carried off a good bit of treasure but seem to have left some books, weapons and food behind as well as some silver from the captains quarters.


EVERYONE: To get into the holiday spirit, the next posts occur during Rape and Pillage Wednesday, the pirate Sabbath. You can exhcange plunder, rape your friends girl/boyfriends, rape your friends, pillage things from your friends and give them back as presents, or hijack a ship, and the rolls for all such things will get bonuses what with the holyness of the day. And remember the words of St. Bluebeard who, in verse 2:11 sayeth "Yarr arrr grog, aharr"

This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 30 November 2007 - 02:04 AM

[barend]

dear JM,

re: English ships.

If it seams even remotely plausible, I give the spanish bastards the finger for ruing my suprise attacking their enemy.

More importantly, I engage the english ships. Seeing as we can't sink, I just sail up beside them and have an old fashion drive by using fire arms. cannon shots accross the decks only, I don't want to sink the ships...


...yet.

[J m HofMarN]

Barend- Actually you can sink them, just theres reasons they stay afloat forever.

The first British ship you engage is doing remarkably well considering there's just a skeleton crew on board. They lose about two people, because there are only about 15 on board to hit amd many are below decks. One of their masts is down. Their return fire tears into your ship, but you really dont care cuz it'll keep floating no matter what. A few of your zombie crew lose body parts so you're down ten crewmen until they can reattach their parts. The other English ships fail initiative so they wont respond until your next turn. But Hark! Another ship is coming in flying the English flag!

[Otal Nimrodi]

"Alright lads. Today be rape-and-pillage Wednesday. So, we be needin' to have ourselves a rape-and-pillage party. Everyone gather on the main deck for gift steal-and-givin'. And rum for everyone. After we find the logbook o' that ship, see where she were headin' and the suchlike. I'll be in me cabin."

I head into the cabin to look over the book that I found, in hopes that it may be the doomed ship's logbook. Or anything else of interest to me. Such as a place full of grog and treasure, or somesuch.

[Bond]

Arrr, and what of me hide?

[J m HofMarN]

The crew are quite heartened, Otal. For your pious celebration of rape and pillage wednesday you gain a morale bonus on your next roll. Yours and Slades crews take apart all the valuables on the ship and they find no more of the books to be of much use. The one you have is a different story. It doesnt lead you to where the ship was headed. It's a diary. The first entry is just an anonymous sailor bitching. He says it sucks not getting to take lunch or dinner breaks anymore. Was the captain of this ship perhaps some cruel pagan who starved his crew to death? You can read more if you wish.

[Zatoichi]

Zatoichi - Sorry mate. You flub your tea having roll. As the ship speeds towards Cuba a wave hits and you get scalding tea over your chest and your dickey. Your dickey is destroyed and you must select another cravat. Thankfully it wont cause a lasting scar, and the burn looks a bit like Jesus. Anyhow you go on deck and can see in the distance, from left to right: a black torn up ship crewed by you cant be sure who flying the Jolly Roger, a Spanish fort under attack from landward, and a British fleet moored a ways off from the fort. Whatcha doin homes?

Oh my, indeed. It seems the elements are against me having an extra tea-time. You there, fetch me a light blue cravat on the double. And don't go through my undergarments this time!

Hmm... blast ship, blast fort, or rendezvous with fleet.
Blast the ship out of the water! Tear the hull to pieces! I want it turned into kindling.

Full Sails. Aim all cannon at the ship, coming up along it on the starboard side. Fire with everything we've got and then sail on past. Once past, reload all canon, and attempt to wheel the ship around and come up on the opposite side (so that all of the canons would already be facing that side).

[Slade]

If we have everything off of the dead ship, I say we sink it, then celebrate on our own decks with excess alcohol and only one fourth swabbing duty for crewmen engaging in fisticuffs, withheld until the holiday is over, while we lavish ourselves with our loot. Sinking the ship should be done by putting more holes in the bottom via carpenters, and if/when that doesn't work, burn it. If nothing else is working, we'll see how a few drops of holy water do to help it on it's way, but I don't want to use very much, as this is more of an experiment, we don't have much, and no matter what we'll need to save as much as possible for when we meet Barebones.

[J m HofMarN]

Zatoichi- Dude, the dice hate you. He can only find a dark red cravat with a happy little spider on it, and when he brings it to you he's wearing a pair of your laciest undergarments. Your first broadside is a disaster and nothing hits the enemy, but your next one when you come around is dead on and you manage to blow apart five of Barends crewment. Oh speaking of which... You recognize the ship. It was moored in the harbor at St Kitts during that last great battle... You recognize the flag... It was the jolly rodger flying over st kitts during said battle... and now that you think of it, if you look close... you recognize Barend. The fawk?

Sladicus- You drill holes. The ship is still unholy. It doesnt catch on fire too well either since theres water flowing in and out of the holes... However, the holy water does the trick. A drop or two and the ship quakes and groans under you like walking across a thinly frozen pond. You and your men scamper for a life boat just as the ghost ship begins to droop and by the time youre a safe distance away shes sinking vertically into the water with hardly a ripple to mark her passing. Also, your crew, though slightly less enthused than Otals, are having a good time and think you're a nice captain man. Next time they consider mutiny they'll think of this.