[J m HofMarN]

First of all, yes I am an arrogant prig for implying that I have fans. Second of all, I was talking to Slade on aol, which is where all of the sites updates come from (well, that and the video store). Somehow we got to talking about my old aborted erotic time travel novel about the guy who has sex with a toaster in Victorian England. Then we read some of the old HABITCWAS (Hitting a bear in the crotch with a salami stories for the unitiated) and noted a line about seaquest dsv furry slash fiction. I suddenly wrote some and from that the germs of a new contest were born.

However, unlike DofL or HABITCWAS, this one is a crime against humanity.

I was wondering if anyone is fucked up enough to compete in a contest to write the worst erotic fan fiction. The more embarassing it is to read the better.

Slade and I have agreed that if enough people participate THERE WILL BE A CASH PRIZE AND A PLAQUE SENT TO THE WINNER.

If there's decent interest I'll reveal criteria for judgement and maybe try to rustle up some judges. All entries will be published on Jelly Pufflemur.

[Dr Lecter]

I'm down for that.

This post has been edited by Dr Lecter: 29 April 2008 - 10:04 PM

[J m HofMarN]

Welcome aboard Dr. Lecter. I'll give it a week and then get some rules up. Be sure to tell all your friend to write erotic fan fiction too. The weird looks are part of the prize!

[TheOrator]

I'm in.

[Slade]

I might be in, but it doesn't seem like I'm eligible to win.

I also don't recall agreeing to cash prizes, just you making something to stick on someone's mantelpiece.

[J m HofMarN]

Ok, I've gotten enough lunatics in on this from the general forums and other websites in just a few hours to decide that I'll do the contest. So that everyone can quickly get to work I'm posting the judging criteria. The only rule of the WEFFC is that THERE ARE NO RULES.

Criteria:

Material shall be judged on a 1 (low) to 10 (high) scale in the following categories:

Unlikelyhood/choice of protagonists: You can use any fictional or real source material you like. Unlikelyhood is how odd your choice of lovers is. Bush/Cheney fiction will recieve a low grade. Bush/Moore fiction will recieve higher, but it's not required to choose bizarre unions just to take this cat. You can also make a generally weird choice of protagonists and that can give you a ten in this category.

Number of shudders: The number of shudders the judges get from your work and the general weirdness thereof. Self explanatory. This is kind of an over all category.

Amount of weird sexual shit involved: Do characters change gender roles/sexual alignment? Will Legolas suddenly develop a love of bondage? Are you gutsy enough to write an expose on how much Abraham Lincoln liked Japanese school girls? If so you'll take this category.

Amount of general weird shit involved: Who the fuck cares if your arousing tale of lust is set in modern Texas. That's no reason not to involve ogres, time travel, aliens, unicorns or elves, all of whom are equally lusty.

So there you have it, four categories. Shudders is the category to take. You dont need to excel in all the categories to win it, but this is judged on overall score. I'll be travelling the internet to find worthy judges to make this a truly memorable (and awful) event.

[Spoon Poetic]

This sounds like fun :-P I won't be writing any, but I can't wait to read them.

[Otal Nimrodi]

You never challenge a furry to a weird shit writing contest. I'll do it, and I'll win that plaque!

[J m HofMarN]

Spoon- Perhaps a judge's spot doth be in yon future?

Otal- Psh. You dont scare me. I invented the toaster molestation while time traveling in Victorian England genre.

[Spoon Poetic]

Sure, I'll be a judge if you want. That would be so much fun. Let me know.

Man, I have so many crazy ideas for this - I just don't want to do the part where I actually have to write the story out I bet you guys can make me think my ideas are as innocent as pink fluffy bunnies though!

[civilian_number_two]

Just so long as those fluffy pink bunnies have crowns of penises and they spend their afternoons watching Oprah tentacle-rape virgin schoolgirls.

[Slade]

Virgin schoolgirls with defecating penises for nipples, you mean.

[civilian_number_two]

Ah, yes, of course. I don't think I'm weird enough for this contest, clearly. I was trying to work on an idea that involved group sex with the members of the Travelling Willburys (when they were all alive), after a night of dark beer and cabbage. I was having trouble making it much odder than that (hell, that may have happened).

PS: Slade, I really don't get that Garfield comic. Is it obtuse to find a joke made in Garfield too obscure?

[J m HofMarN]

It's the comic with Garfield edited out, so it looks like John is, depending on the comic, insane or filled with existentialist nougat.

IE:

This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 01 May 2008 - 10:20 PM

[Slade]

Nonsense, Civ. You have some wonderfully terrible ideas!

I think Jon Arbuckle being a crazy, existential, pathetic everyman is hilarious, poignant, or a mix of both, depending on the situation. The strip in my signature is a snapshot into the random craziness. The image also links to the actual comic.