Why The Empire Strikes Back is rubbish Becuse it really is
#46
Posted 12 December 2004 - 03:28 PM
Of course I like the movies, or why else would I be here? Some of you guys are very amusing, (or used to be, anyway) As for ESB, I think that it is the actual words in the script which are the weakest part.
It would have been nice to keep the overall story, look, etc, but cut out the really stupid dialog, and stupid scenes. The first attack on the death star had pretty interesting and realistic dialog, (stolen word for word from 'Dambusters' movie, by the way), but the dialog on the walker attack was not as good. Han Solo WAS Echo 7, so who was Luke talking to? There was no crossfire to watch, so what did that mean? Fire control was busted, so why did Luke just repeat his orders to Dack? Nitpicky stuff, but I argue that the script writers made NO EFFORT to write good battle talk. As for Gundarks, Nerf Herders, Fully functional, gorgeous guy like me, oh dear oh dear, etc, it makes me cringe almost as much as poodoo and talk about rough sand.
Good dialog in Empire was the bit just before the Fleet dumped its garbage. Realistic, interesting, and a believable way for the Falcon to escape but with Fett after them. More like this please.
I'm trying to think about things in the original Star Wars that are bad and can be blasted, but... I can't think of anything. Sure it's lucky that the droids got sold to Luke, or that the princess was so easy to rescue, but none of it strains my credibilty. There is no stupid dialog in that movie. Empire is different in that respect. It has some really bad science fictiony dialog, and some story holes that don't need to be there. In Aliens, for example, the plot and story move forward to the end, and nobody is ever stupid or talks a load of crappy dialog. Now that is a kick ass belivable movie. Empire does not reach that level of intelligence. Luke should have crashed on Dagobah in a believable way, not in the utterly lame way that he did. If the rebels were looking for Luke in the snow, they should at least appear to make an effort. If you are going to torture Chewie, do it, but don't let him set up a damn droid workshop with tools in his prison cell. On and on and on. And never say poodoo, gundark, or anything star trekky like that in my presence again, please.
In Empire, the potential was there, but I argue that it didn't reach that potential. The rebels needed to be found on Hoth, OK, but find a realistic way to find them. Have Vader use the force or something. If you are going to get out of your spaceship in space, were a damn space suit. If you want a reason to have Leia and Han spend some quality time together, find somewhere other than a space worms stomach to have them park. When you need for them to start moving again, have the tie fighters broadcast the last known position of the Falcon in the asteroid field, and then have Vader start blasting the hell out of that big ateroid to flush them out. Like in Aliens - when deciding how to kill all the aliens "take off and nuke the entire site from orbit." Be smart for a change. Be realistic. Make an effort. Be like Lord of the Rings, Peter Jackson's version, and not the hobbit cartoon version.
Blasting ESB is worthwhile, mainly because it really should be blasted. You only blast because you care. AOTC is not worth blasting, because it isn't worth spending a single second on. As for Phantom Menace, I see your guy's points, but you could argue that nobody would believe World War One started when some Serbian wanker got killed by some half assed anarchist, over some crap that nobody cared about. Menace has a lot of stupid shit in it, but it in itself isn't quite so stupid as you all (mostly) claim. That's mostly why I give it a chance.
Back to Empire. If you want a true grade for it, give it an A for effort and a C for execution.
#47
Posted 12 December 2004 - 03:55 PM
That's why many people loved the romance between Han and Leia though, because it was done when they were fighting for their lives hiding in God's knows where from the Empire. It really suited the type of characters they were. It's a million times better than the contribed and God awful way Anakin and Padme developed feelings for eachother in AOTC. Send them away to a beautiful planet where they can romp through the countryside
This post has been edited by Michel Orla: 12 December 2004 - 03:57 PM
#49
Posted 16 December 2004 - 04:08 AM
But the thing is, that we got an incredibly gratifying payoff for doing so.
With the prequels however, if you suspend all the disbelief, all you're left with is a hollow, empty movie filled with dislikeable characters and CGI effects, preposteriously contrived/hopelessly convoluted plots that's hard to stay awake through.
#50
Posted 16 December 2004 - 01:02 PM
But the thing is, that we got an incredibly gratifying payoff for doing so.
With the prequels however, if you suspend all the disbelief, all you're left with is a hollow, empty movie filled with dislikeable characters and CGI effects, preposteriously contrived/hopelessly convoluted plots that's hard to stay awake through.
Well spoken, JYAMG.
I'd like a qui-gon jinn please with an obi-wan to go.
#52
Posted 11 June 2005 - 02:39 AM
My old roomate -- believe it or not -- likes the PT better than the OT! I have fiercely argued this with him, but he insists that the prequels have a more compelling overall story, and he finds the enhanced special effects and battle sequences to be excellently done. I always point out how horribly acted alot of the PT is and how silly the story is; he always agrees, but then immediately points out the same flaws in the OT. He says I need to look at the big picture more. (Hmmph!)
The difference here is that he is not a Star Wars fan (in the sense of "fanatic") -- he did not see the OT as a child and only saw it *after* Episode I. He has no preconceived notions about how the prequels should be.
I have always felt that there is a "magical" quality about the OT that makes it better (alot better) than the PT. But I cannot express it in words. I suppose it's the chemistry of the cast, which gives it a human warmth that the PT seems to lack. But I find it very hard to shake the feeling that my fondness for the OT may simply be a feeling of nostalgia that ripples through me upon seeing those movies again. (My parents tell me that as a child, I watched ESB over 30 times)
#53
Posted 11 June 2005 - 01:17 PM
ESB goes so much deeper it really adds alot to ANH if you watch it again. ESB gives the OT it's heart and soul, and really adds alot to the characters of Han and Vader. It turns Star Wars from good fun into something much more. Something timeless. Its what good sequels should do. Add to the story and give strength to the first movie
#55
Posted 12 June 2005 - 07:07 AM
Put it this way. If you like well-written, well-acted films with warmth, charm and depth, you're an original trilogy kinda guy (or gal). But if you prefer synthetic, CGI laden films that take the style over substance, bombard the audience into submission with action without being all that concern for dialogue and acting, that's your want. You can suck ALL you like...
#56
Posted 12 June 2005 - 07:09 PM
Bit too late to change my mind though!
Some of the points can be explained, but I know I would be wasting my time.
Carry on.
This post has been edited by Trigormike: 12 June 2005 - 07:11 PM
#57
Posted 14 June 2005 - 07:09 PM
"The scroll up says the rebels are "led by Luke Skywalker." Hold on! Yesterday he was a 20 year old farm boy with no experience, training, education, or skills (other than the ability to bulls eye womp rats of course) and today he is leading the whole rebel alliance? I guess advancement in the rebel army is pretty easy. One has to wonder how useless most of the technicians and privates must be, to be so low on the totem pole after such a long time."
Fact is that he isn't general, he is more like hero of the rebelion. As a man who destroyed the Death Star, he is well known and respected among rebels and wanted by his enemies. They consider him rebel leader.
"Next paragraph - Vader is obsessed with finding young Skywalker. What!!! How the fuck does Vader suddenly know who Luke Skywalker is? He didn't care yesterday, or the previous 20 years worth of yesterday's, but today he is obsessed with someone who we presume he doesn't even know exists. And we also presume that Vader knows that it was Luke who rescued the Princess and destroyed the Death Star. (Though how he knows this information isn't explained.) But lets get on with the actual movie."
Why it would be secret who destroyed Death Star? Luc was great war hero and Vader knew who was his enemy. There is rumor that in 2004 DVD release of Empire Strikes Back change is made in scene between Vader and Imperator (I didn't see that version). In new scene Imperator mentiones that Luc Skywalker destroyed the Death Star. I think that is added to clear this confusion. Personaly, I liked more earlier version. Vader should know who destroyed the Death Star much earlier (before TESB begins).
"So let me get this straight. The Empire is hunting for the rebels, (sorry, hunting for Luke). They (he) could be anywhere in the galaxy. Now here's my plan! Lets get a few pods, say five from each Star Destroyer, and shoot them out into space. We'll allow one pod per planet, so by the end of the week we should have thoroughly searched about .001 percent of 500 planet's surfaces, and a grand total of about .00001 percent of all the planets in the galaxy. Yes, that's a cunning plan! Let's play tidily winks to while away the centuries until we get a result."
Pods are like spy planes on our planet. Of course you would use them wisely. Why do You think that there isn't any organisation in serch that empire conducts?
"What are our heroes up to while this cunning scheme is unfolding? Well, Luke says he can't pick up any life on Hoth, but unfortunately 5 seconds later the abominable snowman jumps out from behind a snowflake and knocks the shit out of him. So much for that. "
I could offer explanation. They were just setting up sensors to discover life forms. I don't think that there isn't life in entire planet. Yust that there isn't much life (like on Alaska or North Pole).
"Solo ambles back to base, and Leia gives him the evil eye. Solo suddenly states that he is leaving. General what's his name just says "Bummer... Okay then, what's for lunch?" It seems a bit sudden to me, but nobody else seems much upset."
Han is not part of rebel force. So, general can't have any other reaction. That is explained in earlier versions of the script (or book, I don't remember). Picture lasts more than 2h, so something needed to be cut. I think that information wasn't vital for the picture.
"Solo proceeds to blow off Leia, and then gets pissy when she blows him off right back. And what's with that stupid conversation in the hallwAzertyay right afterwards? Does Harrrison Ford think he is Will Smith now or something? "you love me cause I make bein' a rebel look GOOOOOOOOD!" So what is supposed to have gone on before the movie starts? It's as if NOTHING has gone on. On the other hand, they are acting like there is some "big deal" that makes them deep, but also like
they have never seen each other before. Just how long after the last movie is this supposed to be taking place, anyway? Does Han see Leia at work every day, or has he not seen her in a long time. You just can't fgure it out!"
That scene was larger and well writen in earlier version of the script. They changed it. Why? Maybe they wanted more action and less romance. I liked scripted version better.
#58
Posted 14 June 2005 - 07:10 PM
He didn't kill that creature, he just wounded it. Luc was weak and scared and just wanted to run away. Yes, he has a radio, but it's storm outside and he is unable to communicate.
"Meanwhile, Threepio says that Artoo cannot pick up a signal. Is that the best they can do - have Artoo standing INSIDE the door with a three inch antenna waving around 6 inches above his head searching for a signal? For Christ sake, make an EFFORT you wankers! Then Artoo decides that the chances of survival are 725 to 1. What the hell is he basing that estimate on? It's downright preposterous!"
It doesn't mean that there isn't organised search. That is just a scene of Lea and droids.
"Here is an example of typical gormless dialog: "Artoo has been know to make mistakes. From time to time. Oh dear, Oh dear." Or how about "He's quite clever you know. For a human being." I guess sometime between the last movie, where droids were worthless morons, and this one, the droids now think they are better than humans. What the hell happened?"
It's just a robot. I don't find strange for robot to talk like that (in fantasy or SF movie).
"Also, 12 minutes into the movie are we supposed to believe that something terrible is going to happen to the 2 main heroes?"
That' s funny. And what about that 99% of movies have happy end?
"Aha, Solo has the good idea of using the Tauntaun to help keep Luke warm. Luckily the Tauntaun dies at a convenient moment, so Solo doesn't have to show some character and actually kill it. (Which would have been pretty damn cool, come to think of it.)"
Maybe then he should use it to get back to the base.
"So Luke and Han are saved! Thank God, I was so worried. Back at the base, Threepio says "It's so good to see you fully functional". "Fully Functional"??!! That's the kind of dialog that only somebody who really HATES science fiction could write. Next he'll be saying "Pleasure period terminated. Time to take your food pills!" Come on for Christ sake. "
Again, I don't find strange for droid to say fully functional. Arnold in T2 says afirmative and goodbye until he learns to say hasta la vista.
"This is followed by "pull the ears off a gundark" or "insert other imaginary science fictiony sounding creature here to add fantasy atmosphere" Remember, this is a science fiction movie, the fans expect that sort of thing. They're not too bright for the most part, you see..."
Well, that's just comic strip talk. I have nothing against that. Many great films are inspired by comics.
"But listen. It only gets worse. Han's dialog; "... let a gorgeous guy like me out of your sight!" It's Will fucking Smith again! Who writes this crap? And people complain about Hayden Christiansen. You WANT Leia to blow him off. Leia's witty
retort? "Laser brains!" Ha ha, I get it; Science Fiction Movie + Laser + Brains. Fucking brilliant. It's so futuristic, you see."
Well, in earlier script scene have been written different. It's much better on paper and makes much more scence. I ignored Laser brains. It's interesting to say that in my country they translated laser brains differently.
"Oh oh. A probe droid. Threepio can't understand it, so therefore it must be an imperial robot, QED. Good deduction, Threepio, obviously there can be no other explanation. "
Why not? He has some experience.
"Why do they send Solo and Chewie out to deal with it? Don't they
have any underlings they can delegate to. Oh, yeah, all the underlings are morons, otherwise they'd be generals by now. This is the rebel army remember - if you aren't a general two days after joining up you are worthless."
Why not? It's more interesting for story.
"Why is that droid telling Luke how long it will take to evacuate t 47's? Shut up, droid. Speak when spoken to and don't ever offer me your opinion again! What the hell has happened to the Star wars universe since I've been gone?"
"Lets evacuate the planet now. Since orbital speed is a scalar quantity, why would the rebel ships take off directly at a star destroyer. And why would a couple of shots make the destroyer (which is waiting quietly in space) suddenly spin out of
control. Even if it blew the bridge off completely, the thing should just sit there like a derelict hulk. It's preposterous!"
I didn't care about that.
"Luke attacks the walkers. "Echo station 5-7 we're on our way!" What is that supposed to mean? I thought Han Solo was Echo 7. And why would you "keep tight now"? Spread out you morons! One shot would take all of you out!"
Well, I think that they get designation on each action. Also, keep tight mean that they should keep fighting formation.
"Lucky those speeders have "harpoons and tow cables." It might be our only hope of stopping them. What a load of bollocks. I guess that ion cannon that just shot down a star destroyer with a single shot, is no good. What about blowing up big pits in front of the walkers? Or since they only move at 1 mile an hour, just running up to them and chucking a grenade in the back door. Oh wait, Luke does that later..."
Star destroyer is shut down? I think not.
#59
Posted 14 June 2005 - 07:11 PM
They are trying. Do you have any better idea?
"Oh, it's so amusing when Solo pounds the wall of the ship to get it to start. It's a starship! A precision instrument, but bang away! You know best. That little gun is stupid too. When did they install that? After Mos Eisley docking bay 94 I guess."
That bang is comic strip influence. I loved it. You are form Italy? Have you been reading "Mr. No" comic? That scene reminded me how he started his piper airplane.
"What's next? Two star destroyers crashing into each other after such an elementary trick by the Falcon. What kind of dumbass captains would not recognize that they were on a collision course? Even if Solo hadn't pulled that maneuver, they would still have been on a collision course."
You are right.
"Okay, so Threepio says the "hyperdrive motivator has been damaged." So Solo, instead of fixing the "Hyperdrive motivator" fucks around with hydro spanners, alluvial dampers and who knows what else. Why?? Fix the problem, dumbass, and escape!"
Who is better mechanic, Han or Threepio?
"And Luke? Luke wants to go to Dagobah. However, he doesn't bother to tell anybody. But the rebellion is supposed to be "Led by Luke Skywalker". So Luke the leader is going to disappear for an unspecified length of time for his own personal business. Even Artoo can tell all this is a stupid idea."
He tells that to Lea in earlier script. That scene is later cut. I liked it though.
"And since we know that x wings can hover like a goddam helicopter, why does Luke charge in at full speed through zero visibility with "all the scopes dead" towards an unknown planet? When he crashes, does he think "hmm, now I am stuck, and nobody knows where. What a dumbass I am!"
His control instruments failed?
"Meanwhile, back in the asteroid cave, Leia calls Solo a "scoundrel", and Solo acts as if he's never heard the word before. The most irritating part about this is that for the next 20 years people will now refer to Solo as "a loveable scoundrel". It will become the most overused noun in the Star Wars universe when talking about Mr. Han Solo. Why not call him a blackguard, a cad, an out an out rotter, a scamp, a cracksman, a rogue, a dacoit... nope he is now and forever a "scoundrel". Maybe all the people who use this word had never heard it before either."
How would you change that scene?
"Ok so the emperor's conversation tells us that he somehow knows that Luke destroyed the death star and that Luke is Vader's son. But Vader doesn't seem to know it himself. And yet why has Vader been chasing one small shitty ship through space. And what about the scroll up that said he was "obsessed with finding Skywalker?" It lacks sense."
You are wrong. Vader knows. Wach this scene carefully and you will notice that he woudn't like to see his son death ("he is just a boy"). He would rather turn him to the dark side.
"That ridiculous space worm. Are we supposed to take that seriously? Like what does it live on? Certainly not mynocks, who seem live comfortably in it's stomach without ill effects. And what kind of digestive system is that? I guess food just
lays there in it's stomach and digests itself or something."
I agree. I dont see much sense in that.
"Meanwhile. Luke goes into the "Evil Cave". How can a cave be evil, it's a goddam inanimate object? Was it seduced by the dark side somehow? It's preposterous!"
It's just a name?
"With Vader killing all his top commanders how does he ever expect to get anything done. Who would ever aspire to be a captain or admiral? Or is he doing it just to reinforce to us that he is evil? That's helpful, because I wasn't really
sure about his motivations, to be honest. But now I know he is motivated by BEING EVIL. I'm glad that's cleared up."
It' nothing strange. Many leaders trough history used simular methods.
"The Falcon heads for Bespin. The Bespin ships tell Solo "not to deviate from his present flight path." Less than one second later, Solo deviates. Actually I like this. In the Original, Obi Wan says "...and no questions asked" to Solo in the cantina. Solo's next response? A question!"
I liked that.
"Off the subject - why does everyone call Chewbacca "Chew BAH cah", when clearly his name is "CHEWbacka". Alec Guinness knew it, and Billy Dee Williams knew it. Why don't you? And the Princess's name used to be "Lia" not "Laya". What's up with that? And when did "Imperial Cruisers" become "Star Destroyers"? They're just questions, Leon..."
I like imperial cruisers better.
"So they torture Chewie in a prison cell. Do you think he said "do you mind if I bring this busted droid along? It'll give me something to do between torture sessions." "yeah ok, better take these tools along too."
Yes, that's stupid. Obviously somebody told this to Lucas and he decided to add a new scene in new DVD release in wich Vader orders his troops (why?) to give tools to Chewbacca so he can repair droid. Maybe that's part of the deal with Lando?
"Carbon freezing. Now why would Vader decide to take Luke to the emperor frozen. Why not just bring him in handcuffs or something. And then Lando casually remarks that it "might kill him". Oh yeah, good point, says Vader. THINK, Darth, you big moron! No wonder he has that black mask, how else would that dumbass manage to remember to breathe."
Why not frozen? It might kill him? That's why he will test it on Solo.
"Now, lets watch the next bit carefully. Lots of it doesn't make sense. What is Lando doing with those controls on the carbonite? Why does he emphasize "and in perfect hibernation"
Who cares? Is that important?
"Why does Vader refer to Fett only as "Bounty hunter" Doesn't Vader know who he is? Don't the stormtroopers? Does Fett even realize who he is? Why does Fett shoot at Luke. He knows Vader wants Luke, so either he is trying to kill Luke (which will certainly piss off Vader), or he is trying to warn
Luke, which will also piss off Vader. What are we supposed to make of all this? Oh, who cares, let's get on with the next bit."
That really is not that important.
I only write this now because I had a vague idea that I didn't like Empire much when I saw it. I just borrowed the DVD from a fellow up the street to watch Empire Again, just to see if it is as good as EVERYBODY says. It is NOT as good as everybody says. (It's interesting that no matter what people's opinions are about prequels, or Return of the Jedi, EVERYBODY thinks Empire is fantastic, except me) What's up with that? What do they see that turns them into gushers? It's not the plot, it's not the dialog, it's not the characters. So what is it?
Now, I have confesion to make. I didn't like "Empire" when I first saw her. Why?
Well, I didn't see original Star Wars first so I didn't understand who is who at first. Acrion begins too soon. But, after I saw other 2 films, I captured the story and now I think thar TESB is the best star wars film.
#60
Posted 14 June 2005 - 08:19 PM
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The scroll up says the rebels are "led by Luke Skywalker." Hold on! Yesterday he was a 20 year old farm boy with no experience, training, education, or skills (other than the ability to bulls eye womp rats of course) and today he is leading the whole rebel alliance? I guess advancement in the rebel army is pretty easy. One has to wonder how useless most of the technicians and privates must be, to be so low on the totem pole after such a long time.
Actually no, it says "a group of freedom fighters led by Luke Skywalker has established a base..." It doesn't say he's leading the alliance, it only says he led the group that first established Echo base.
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This only doesn't make sense because Lucas changed Vader's dialogue with the Emperor. Otherwise Vader knew from before the beginning of the movie that Luke was his son that he didn't know about until after Luke gained fame destroying the Death Star. It makes sense to be obsessed with finding his son which he didn't even know he had.
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Presumably the life he was searching for would be animals of a certain temperature. The snow monster's body temp is very very low, thus wouldn't appear on the scanner.
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Actually they sent other people out to search for them both. 2 dudes come back and talk about theer being no sign of Skywalker or Solo and it looks like Leia is gonna tear up.
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3P0 didn't say he can't understand it. He said that it was a code not used by the alliance, and that it "could be" an imperial code. Why the droid makes any sound at all still leaves me in wonder.
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Let's assume that the Imperial ships are dispersed equidistantly forming a sort of net around the side of the planet with the Echo Base. Taking off between the Imperial ships would put you way too close to so many of them. Escape would be very unlikely. Since the ion cannon can temporarily disable the star destroyer, taking off directly at a disabled star destroyer puts you the farthest away from all the other able ones.
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I assume the ion cannon is being shot at other star destroyers at the moment, so that the ships can be evacuated. If the ion cannon needs to hit an exact point of the star destroyer, I'll bet it takes a while to aim. Shooting the star destroyers is the priority. Though, since the star destroyers can't bomb the echo base while the shield generator is up, it would make more sense that the alliance hold off the evacuation to deal with the walkers. But maybe more Imperial ships were en route, so they were pressed for time. Furthermore why did they build the shield generator above ground?
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He's having trouble with firing the blasters, not with the cable.
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Luke isn't the leader. It should be obvious to you that Leia and all the other people in the Command center on Hoth are more in charge of the rebellion than Luke. Also Mon Mothma is supposed to be the leader of the entire rebellion. Echo base probably wasn't the HQ of the rebellion, just an outpost.
Ok so the emperor's conversation tells us that he somehow knows that Luke destroyed the death star and that Luke is Vader's son. But Vader doesn't seem to know it himself. And yet why has Vader been chasing one small shitty ship through space. And what about the scroll up that said he was "obsessed with finding Skywalker?" It lacks sense.
Their original conversation is much better. The Emperor says he feels a disturbance in the force, and Vader says he felt it too. Then he says that their new enemy is Luke. (I'm guessing that Vader already knew that, but was hoping to hide him from the Emperor). Remember that Vader's ambitions are to recruit Luke and team up against the Emperor so that he can rule the galaxy. The Emperor's on the other hand are to use Luke as Vader's replacement.
This post has been edited by Be The Reds!: 14 June 2005 - 08:20 PM